Unlocking Happiness: Mastering Mindfulness for a Fulfilling Life

You are listening to the empowering working moms podcast, episode number 84. Well, hello there, happy winter. It has been an interesting winter here on the East Coast. There were a couple of snow days. And basically my au pair got stuck in Nashville. So I was without childcare for, I think six days or so. It was a lot.

And one of the days actually, I was unable to go to work because my au pair was not around to be backup childcare for the snow day. And I ended up spending time with my kids. It was very stressful.

But it actually inspired this week's episode, which is about the concept of the time is now. Like, this is your life, in this moment. These are the days of our lives. They are so so precious. And though we hate on ourselves for so many things like our bodies, and this and that. When we're ninety years old, we're going to be missing our 30 something year old 40 something year old bodies.

And actually, I'm going to be honest, my kids are in the background because it's the weekend and this morning, I was gone to a workshop that I was putting on on mindfulness tools for moms who are exhausted and want to enjoy their lives and find peace of mind. And so actually, my au pair was off this weekend as well. So she couldn't help me. And so I had a babysitter come and then I came home, I spent some time with my kids. And I decided it was time to record this podcast episode.

But now I'm actually thinking, Well, I wanted to avoid screen time. So I have them in my room playing but I'm realizing it is too much noise probably. So I am going to break down and put them in front of a screen because that's usually the only way to keep them quiet. So hold on. I'll be right back.

All right now we're back. I put on Disney plus for them. And I'm very anti screentime. And I tried to not have my children watch TV at all costs. And so anyway, I digress. But okay, we're back. And it's just adults here. It's our little safe space right now. And I'm going to go ahead and record this before anything happens.

So the moment is now. These are the special moments. And it dawned on me that this is the case when it was a snow day. And I'm sitting at the breakfast table with my children. And I'm stressed about how am I going to get to work like, what am I going to do? How am I going to entertain them? Or can I find some childcare?

And I was putting on some music. And they both started laughing. And we were all doing these hand motions in the air. And it was just kind of cute and funny. And we're all laughing. And there was just this moment. And in my mind, I just thought to myself, This is it. This is the magic. And it's right here, right now.

Which is also just kind of a mindfulness piece in practice, like it's right here right now. And I get to be there. And I have this privilege to be here right now and spend time with them. And they're so little and yeah, they follow me around and I can't even go to the bathroom without having them in tow. And that can be really exasperating.

But at the same time, I know that someday they're going to be busy with their friends, they're going to be teenagers, and I'm going to miss this time. So the time is now because there are moments right now that might be annoying you but one year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now you're going to miss it.

And so we also just catch ourselves in the past or the future. That's what we're caught up with. And we're just neglecting what's right in front of us the present moment and the power of right now, right. And that's what really dawned on me during just a mundane breakfast with my kids.

But it's in the mundaneness that there's so much magic and I really loved sitting with them and being goofy and it was fun. And those are the moments I'm gonna remember on my deathbed, not being stressed out about whatever, day to day stuff, the day to day grind.

And another way to really realize how it's right now, this is life, is that we have journeys. Well life is a journey. And it has very distinct phases with different experiences. And there is beauty in every single stage. Even if there is pain. There's always something positive that can come out of negativity.

I remember even a couple years ago, gosh, it's gonna be actually close to four years ago now. That's so crazy to think about, but four years ago was when I moved for my spouse's job, and I left my full time job. And it was just such a weird time because we were in the middle of COVID and I actually had gotten pregnant too.

But leaving my full time career as a physician in a practice, shout out to first docs. But my practice is so great, and it's the job I've been at since residency, and they've always treated me really well. And there's some flexibility and it's just a great practice to work for. And so I was leaving that full time job, really not knowing what I was going to do and it was really tough.

And that was actually what opened up time to pursue my coaching business. And even having the creativity and the time to do this podcast and things like that. And so what seemed like such a horrible thing at the time, leaving the only job I had known full time at the time, and not knowing what I was doing next really gave me time to reflect. So no matter where we are, and that's kind of not so dark of a thing, but even darker things.

There's always some lesson there that challenges bring us and something we can learn. And we can really embrace what happens. So we can embrace the current moment. And the way to really do this is through learning how to be mindful. And this morning, I spoke to a local group of women about mindfulness practices and tools that they could use in stressful moments.

And the thing about mindfulness is, it's not meant only for dealing with stress and anxiety. But it's also meant to bring you to the current moment and one of the most useful tools, saying to yourself here and now, can really help you. As you inhale, you say here, as you exhale, you say now.

And doing that as you're breathing can really tether you to the current moment and take you away from the narrative, the story that's going on in your head. Bring you back to the now, which is really the main life that we're living is right now. And take you away from obsessing over your to do list, the grocery list, et cetera. So try the here and now mindfulness exercise and see how it goes for you. You can use it when you're feeling stressed. But it's also really helpful if you are just wanting to bring yourself in.

And I actually used it right before this episode when I was trying to structure the rest of the day and thinking about hmm, how am I going to record my podcast with the kids home, and I don't want to do it after they go to bed because I'm gonna be too tired, and so on and so forth.

And I was doing special time with my kids. And I said to myself, here and now and that brought me in to the present moment. Remembering to cultivate presence and joy in small, mundane moments happening in ordinary life can profoundly impact our well being. And scientific studies have actually shown this, that finding joy in these moments can make us happier.

Whether it is savoring a cup of coffee in the morning, enjoying or marveling at the sunset, enjoying the sunshine on your face, enjoying your surroundings, enjoying laughs with your children, embracing a friend or a spouse and really soaking that in. Because we just never know how long we have on this earth or even how long we have with other people. And also practicing gratitude.

And so that brings me to some tips you can use to really realize that life is now, these are the moments of our lives. These are the best moments of our lives, even if sometimes we're going through some hard stuff, because life can be tough. And no matter what comes our way, we can learn to have moments of joy and presence.

Even if we've got grief in the background or dysfunction with family members in the background or arguments with somebody in the background, you're having a falling out with your old best friend in the background or a divorce in the background. There are so many other serious things that can go on, they can happen. But you can still cultivate peace of mind and joy, I promise.

So some tips to do this. One is to really practice gratitude. And I've mentioned this before in different contexts. But this is a known happiness factor or hack. I know that it makes people happier, because it just trains your brain to see the glass half full. So for yourself thinking of brainstorming five things to be grateful for every morning. Or when you're in the shower. You can cultivate a gratitude practice with your children. If you're into journaling, you could practice gratitude that way. People have a gratitude jar.

I think Jay Shetty had mentioned this on his podcast or somewhere, create a jar and name one thing you're grateful for every week. And then at the end of the year, you have 50 things you can reflect on, which is kind of cool. Practicing the mindfulness that we talked about. Maybe using here and now and just bringing yourself into the present moment as you breathe.

Engaging your senses in any given experience. So if you're in a room with wonderful people at an event, let's say. Just marveling at the space, the room or their paintings on the wall, really seeing everything seeing the people looking at their expressions, what are they wearing? Or what are you hearing? Are you talking to someone Are you really listening?

And maybe just listening without having a response and just soaking that in. Really cultivating those listening skills, that really creates presence and realizing this is my life right here, right now, this is what's happening. The senses, can you smell anything? What about tactile? Is there a feeling like maybe you're sitting on a really comfortable couch?

Or did you shake hands with somebody, notice when you're shaking their hand. Or a hug. And we went over seeing, listening, smelling, touching, tasting. If you're eating food, really notice what you're tasting, and try to focus on that instead of letting your mind wander off.

So the senses are a great way to make yourself present. Because if you focus on your senses, you're observing what's happening right now, instead of letting your brain wander to the past or the future. And that is really how we can be present.

And I also think over planning for years and years in advance, maybe shying away from doing that, like making plans years in advance, because. I don't mean financial planning, I just more mean like vacations and things like that, because things happen. COVID happens, world catastrophes happen, environmental things happen.

Somebody actually today that I met this morning was telling me that she and her husband are considering canceling their trip to Iceland because there were volcanoes erupting. And so it's just always stuff. So if you just try to live day by day, shorter periods of time to really live in the present moment, that is the best.

And that's actually why Al Anon and I believe AA too, they talk about one day at a time. And I will tell you, if you're living with someone who has an addiction to any substance, including alcohol, it can be very, very difficult to practice loving detachment, which is really the premise of Al Anon.

And it's detaching yourself with love. so that you're able to create your own peace and happiness in spite of what might be going on with the chaos of addiction. And I really do believe most people out there have some relation to addiction in the sense that they must have a family member that struggles with addiction in their family. There has to be because it's much more common than we think.

But the premise there of one hour at a time, one day at a time. It's used in the sense that I believe for alcoholics, they do one day at a time that they have to be sober. So that it's not so daunting that they feel like they have to be sober for a lifetime, because that can be very overwhelming. So the idea that one hour at a time, one day at a time, in terms of coping with addiction.

But also you can use that same premise for let me just be here in the present moment, right now. Because this is my life as I know it. Like this is what's happening one hour at a time, one day at a time. These are the moments. And we're not going to love every single moment. But often we can find joy in the more annoying moments.

And I'll give an example. I'm not particularly a morning person. I don't love waking up at 6am, let's say. But on the mornings where I am in a rush and getting my kids out the door, dropping them to school and then going to work. I'm able to find joy throughout that process. And that process, like the process of the daily grind, that's not my favorite thing to do.

But I can wake up I can set an intention for the day. That creates presence for me and pause. Then I see my son and I give him a really long hug and I savor that. I savor hugging my daughter because she's still in her twos, but she'll be three in the spring and so she's still kind of a baby to me. So I savor the babyishness. Then we get the brushing teeth on which is not that fun.

And then it's breakfast time, which is okay. But during breakfast, we may engage with each other, make jokes, I enjoy that. Then let's say on the ride to school, maybe I'm tired, but I'll play music and we'll be enjoying the music. And then I say goodbye to each kid. And I savor that moment. I think transition moments are really important to connect with our children.

But the point is, though, those are not my favorite hours of the day and time when I'm in a rush in the morning and kind of ushering my children. I still am able to create pockets of joy throughout that process. So in the present moment, and so that is what I want to bring to your attention today. To really be able to live in the moment. To be able to cultivate joy and appreciate what's happening right now.

Even if you're not in a good mood. Even if it's an annoying task. Is there joy at any point? Because I bet you there will be. And even when we feel pain, and we're sad, and we cry. Most of the time. It's not like we're crying nonstop. You rarely will cry nonstop for 24 hours, right? There has to be a break in there where you feel some relief because you experienced the catharsis of tears. So my point is even pain, we perceive it as longer than it actually is.

Which is why we'll always say, oh, it's been a long day, because our perception of the day is long, because maybe it wasn't the most fun day. But our perception is not reality. The reality is, the crappy moments, were probably fewer and far between. I'm not talking with a big tragedy, I'm just talking about an annoying day. So maybe we had some few and far between bad moments, but our brains we decide to perseverate on the negative.

Because that's what we do. That is our tendency as human beings. We tend to focus on the negative. We scan the environment for threats, and then we tend to perseverate because we're no longer foraging in the forest. But our fight or flight mode gets activated. And we're in there perseverating on the negative so we can problem solve. When we really most of the time these days, you don't need to.

So if you can just be aware of the fact that we do have the negativity bias. Be aware of the fact that life is now. It's right now, in this moment, when you're listening this podcast. Maybe you're enjoying your drive, maybe you're on a walk or a run. You can get that fresh air perhaps. And this is it. Here and now. So remember that.

When you're having those joyous moments, bring yourself in say to yourself here and now, soak it in. Because this is it baby. These are the moments of our lives. And as you continue to practice this, you are going to cultivate so much joy and peace of mind.

So if you like this and you want to dive deeper into this work book a call with me PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. I would love to work with you.

I work with professional moms to help them ditch exhaustion, ditch their stress, anxiety and really enjoy their lives and cultivate peace of mind no matter what in 90 days or less. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will talk to you next week.