Finding Fulfillment Beyond Overachievement: Embracing Stillness in Motherhood

You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast episode number 83. Hello there, everyone. Thank you so much for listening today to this week's podcast episode. I have to be honest, it is getting dark so early now. It's such a bummer. So over it. And I'm not a fan of the cold weather either.

I think I'm a little in the middle of winter blues, I don't know. But it just stinks because the day ends so early, and you almost feel more tired when it's dark out earlier. But I digress.

I know that you're probably an over driven career mom, right. And so that's why you're here listening to empowering working moms. And I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I'm an internal medicine physician, I do life coaching as well.

But becoming a mom when I was working full time was totally overloading me. And it made my anxiety so much worse. And so that's really what started me on this journey, which really started with self care and meditation.

But then over the past several years, it's just gotten so much deeper than that. Really doing investigative work on myself and healing myself from the inside out. Doing the work required to really feel like I have my own inner compass and feel solidified in myself and learn to cultivate peace of mind every single day, no matter what is going on around me.

And that is what I teach my clients to do to really find peace of mind and enjoy their lives once and for all. And if you're curious about this, check out my free on demand masterclass four steps to overcoming burnout and overwhelm, the link's in the show notes. You don't want to miss it.

And so you're probably making plans for fun when you're not working right, because you need something to look forward to. But the thing is, these plans just cause you to feel more tired and overwhelmed. You don't get a sense of peace or rest. And it's frustrating because on paper, you have everything you worked so hard for personally and professionally.

And this means you're trying to pack in more fun or over scheduling with minimal downtime to make the most of your time off to rejuvenate yourself, but you end up exhausted. And this is the fill all my time for fulfillment trap.

That's what I call it. You're wanting to make the most of your time to be doing your best in all aspects of your life, work and play.

And this comes from a drive to achieve from a really young age. But what this does in adulthood, this results in over achieving and leaves us super busy but not fulfilled. And even darker, it can leave us feeling empty and then cue the exhaustion and burnout. So what do you do instead of this.

And this is what today's podcast episode is all about. You find time to be quiet and to be still. So overachieving moms, they find themselves trapped in this whirlwind of constant activity. The pressure to succeed, not just professionally, but personally too. And it is this pressure that really leads them to fill every single moment of their day.

This need to take every opportunity to prove their worth, their ability. It just creates this over busy overfilled but not fulfilling life where you're just multitasking all the time. This plays out in saying yes to projects at work that maybe are extra or volunteering at the school on certain committees or in the PTA. Or volunteering to host a book club or other gatherings. And this is in addition to working, right.

And then on weekends, you've got the kids activities, or maybe some trips or other events that you've signed up for and there's just not a moment to breathe. And then women are finding themselves depleted on a day to day basis just dreading the day. And we know that that's just no way to live.

Because why are we busting our asses at work and at home all to find ourselves not happy, trapped in the daily grind dread.

So burnout, stress, and exhaustion are something that they're there all the time and it's just a tough cycle to break. So some of the deeper implications of this constant hustle is really detrimental to our mental and emotional well being.

So not being still can really lead to this sense of disconnection from yourself. Which is the worst disconnection of all because when you're disconnected for yourself, you don't feel stable in yourself. And you're constantly looking for answers and validation outside of yourself. Which is the worst thing because we cannot control what other people think of us or what input they're gonna give us.

And what's much better and can leave us feeling more peaceful and whole is to really find connection with ourselves. And this is through the stillness. And when we're not still each day is bleeding into the next.

We're obsessed with the to do list, daily chores like the dishes, keeping a neat and tidy kitchen, trying to buy more clear containers to organize everything, the kids toys, all this nesting behavior. And I think Instagram makes this so much worse.

And I'm laughing because I'm totally guilty of this. I have my own kind of stuff surrounding cleanliness and neatness, tidiness, organization, which I'm not going to get into in this episode. But I definitely subscribe to some of these things as well, all the clear containers in my house. And also I do cleanse and purge all the clutter and whatnot. And I do quarterly donations just to make sure that things don't pile up. But I digress.

Because the point of that is we're obsessing over that. And we're trying to keep it all together, and then you're left feeling drained. So you might be thinking, why do I keep harping on quiet and stillness as the solution to this. So here we go.

Stillness offers a space for self reflection, and we can really begin to get in touch with ourselves, our values, our priorities, because half the time we just don't have the time or space to stop and think about it. Because all we need is a little bit of thought and intentionality to our lives.And that really is a key component to finding peace and enjoyment.

So I will tell you my own personal tale, when I moved for my partner's job, I had an opportunity to be out of the daily grind dread for a while. And it was with that time that I was not working full time. So many things became clear to me. All these things about my life, I had not really given any time or thought to. I was in survival mode.

I was able to get clarity and really build my own sense of inner compass, my self confidence, and love myself. And I made so many moves, like big changes in my life in a short period of time to get my life on a way better path. And without that time, without that reflection, I'm telling you right now, I would still be stuck where I was.

So that's great, right? I'm telling you about stillness. And now you're thinking, well, how am I going to do this. So I'm going to give you some practical strategies to implement and put into practice in order to really cultivate stillness. And I know your life is busy. And I'm not saying that you have to sit and meditate or spend a ton of time on this.

But with a little bit of intention and the determination to make some changes in your life, you can practice these techniques, and you will see that you're going to have so much more peace and enjoy your life.

So here we go. Slow down, in general. And this has come up for me because 2024, I decided that I wanted to cultivate more patience. Patience has not been a part of my DNA for a really long time, which is kind of funny because I became a physician, which is a really long path. And I guess you do have to be patient in it.

But it's almost like you're so busy first trying to get into med school and studying all the time. And then studying and studying some more and cramming all the stuff in, that there is no room to be impatient. Because you're just like going going, going to try and achieve your goal.

So patience. And the reason I decided to really dive into patience as one of my intentions for 2024 is I just knew I need to slow down. Because when you slow down, that is when you have the time and space to actually open up your mind and accept or have new ideas come to you that you normally wouldn't. Because there's just no space for it.

The monkey mind has 60,000 thoughts a day. And so if we don't sit still to notice those thoughts, then we're not going to be able to really live our life in integrity with how we want to live. And instead, we're going to be on the hamster wheel like Groundhog's Day, same day, day in and day out. And that is not fun. And I know that's not how you want to live.

So just cultivating some patience, slowing down and reminding yourself to not be in a rush. Now the other thing to do to create some stillness is to spend some time alone. And I know that might be daunting for some of you. Maybe you're married you have children and that's really hard to do. I get it. But you can literally start by sitting quietly for a few minutes every day. That's it. That's literally it.

You just sit for a couple of minutes every single day, sit quietly. And you will see how many thoughts come and go. And you can just open yourself up up to whatever your brain might want to think. And sit there. So start with that.

And then in terms of spending time alone and cultivating stillness, spend more time by yourself. It could be taking yourself out to eat, it could be doing an overnight trip. And Dr. Bonnie Koo and I talked about this, spending time alone.

And it's so good to just get away from all of the stimulus and all of the day to day stuff to really open yourself up to ideas and inspiration. And creativity is something that we really end up squashing in this modern day life.

And then if you really get brave, you could take like a quick trip by yourself, completely alone. And that can be amazing too. And the more you learn to be alone and spend some time alone. Not just the fact that you got your brain and space opened up to new and fresh ideas.

But also, this is how you really learn to love yourself and being in your own company. And when you do that you can get comfortable with yourself. And then you can stop hanging out with people who maybe make you feel uncomfortable.

Because a lot of times we end up hanging out with people we really don't want to hang out with. And it's just a waste of time. Having kids and being a professional, free time is so precious that if you end up having, let's say, a trip or something, or even a dinner with a bunch of people, and you don't find it refreshing and rejuvenating, there's no point in continuing hanging out with that person or them. It's really that simple.

And I know maybe that sounds harsh to you, but really standing guard and being tight about who we spend our time with. And opening up to even spending time alone, because it's better to be alone than be around the wrong people.

The next thing to do is to stop jam packing everything in all the time and be able to just say to yourself, no, this is too much. I'm not doing all this. And I have played around with this a lot in my life, because I tend to be a really social person. But I'm also a mother, I also have two different careers. And so I'm definitely spread thin, that's a fact.

But I have noticed that I will bite off more than I can chew. So I really take time to be mindful of how stressful it might be for me to schedule certain social things, etc. So not jam packing, giving yourself free space, free time, free Saturday nights, for example, and not trying to fill them with a million things to do.

Also getting in touch with nature. Or just taking a walk outside, getting some fresh air. Yeah, you're moving. But that really does cultivate peace and stillness.

The next strategy I'm going to give you and I know this cannot be new to you. But it's really going technology free. So having time without your phone. Putting your phone away for certain amounts of time, especially when you're having family time or time with people that you really want to connect with, putting your phone away. Especially with your children and really connecting with them.

And another way to do this when you're alone, and I found this really useful is, I just started this new hobby actually. After my kids go to bed, I'll do puzzles. And I never really used to like puzzles. But what I really love about puzzles is that they're somewhat challenging. It's a visual thing. But also my hands have to put the puzzle together. So you can't be scrolling on social media and doing a puzzle at the same time.

Or even doing some sort of adult coloring or paint by numbers. It's great to just do those kinds of things to maybe activate other areas of our brain and cultivate some creativity. And that can just create inner peace, stillness, and happiness and joy as well.

Another way to be still or even just giving you an example of what this looks like, I'll give an example from today actually. I was speaking to my landlord, and he's really annoying. Basically, he gives me a tough time for any repair that has to happen in this house. And it always makes me feel anxious. And I had gotten off the phone with him.

And I felt really exasperated and then my five year old was asking me to play something with him. So I literally said, this was slowing down, getting still. I said I need a moment. I'm feeling exasperated. I sat on the couch in front of my son, I closed my eyes.

And I just did a little bit of kind of an impromptu box breathing, which is basically like inhaling to seven or eight, holding for the same and then exhaling for seven or eight counts. And then holding for that amount. It was a little modified.

But I was taking long, deep breaths and I closed my eyes. And then he kept talking to me and I said I'm not done yet, like I will be with you shortly. But it was a way to just regulate myself. Turn into myself. Manage some of that anxiety that was coming up. And also giving my children tools as well. And I teach them these tools but when they see me doing it, then it's an example for them of how they can deal with their negative thoughts and emotions.

So if you get comfortable with sitting still, you're going to become more aware of your triggers or what's going on in In your head, and you will decrease your suffering by slowing down and actually deciding how you want to react instead of having a reflex that maybe you don't want to have.

So that was the stillness in action. So you can see how it's so helpful. And here's some other benefits of stillness. Besides reducing stress, it really creates deeper fulfillment for ourselves personally and professionally. And stillness in relationships, we can connect better with our family and our friends.

And really, there's just so much good that can come from stillness. We can get clarity on what's important to us, what we really want. We can slow down and not have our brains taking over and making us feel anxious or stressed.

We can slow down to enjoy our lives. We can slow down and not jam pack our schedules and actually have some room to breathe, have some space and enjoy that life that we've worked so hard for.

So the constant pursuit of success and doing our best everywhere and being a perfectionist can really lead to burnout and stress and scheduling time for ourselves, having some mindfulness practice, integrating some stillness into our busy lives is really a way to cultivate inner fulfillment, inner peace, and joy. So stillness is an investment in our success personally and professionally.

And actually, one more tip that I forgot to mention today is gratitude practice. So when we're grateful we can take a minute to be still. It helps us to really see the glass half full and we can cultivate that peace of mind and joy.

Now that concludes my tips and my episode on stillness. And really try any or all of the strategies that we talked about today. See how it goes. Let me know.

If you really want to find presence, be centered, enjoy your life, live in alignment, live out your dreams, book a call with me PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. I would love to speak with you. The link is in the show notes and I'm so grateful that you tuned in today. I will talk to you next week.