Learn Boundaries for Work-Life Balance

You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast, episode number 85. Hello, hello. We are now in February. I am so glad that you are listening here today. Welcome to the empowering working moms podcast. So thrilled to have you listening.

And I want to keep with the theme of self love this month, I'm going to do my best to do that. And that is actually why I'm going to talk about boundaries today.

And so many moms in demanding careers, they're focusing on things like self care, mani pedis, massages, trying to work out more, maybe on your peloton, do you have one? I know many of my clients do. And meditate more. Well more like downloading apps like headspace and calm and then never actually meditating.

But they do these things to feel more energized, to ditch exhaustion, to ditch burnout. And these are really Band Aid solutions. They're a quick fix for a day or two. But they really don't work in the long term. There are actually five ways of doing this overcoming burnout in my coaching program overcome burnout for good.

But today, I'm giving you one of my favorite ways, right now you're going to be able to practice this. You're gonna have time, energy back each week. But also you're going to be able to stop feeling guilty and show up for your family in the way that you want. Really creating deeper connections and being present for the moments that matter. And that is through boundaries.

So we're going to talk a little bit about what boundaries are and the kinds of boundaries, how you can practice them. And I'm sure you already know that you probably are thinking you need to practice better boundaries, because a lot of clients coming to me saying that. So now I'm going to give you the way to actually do that.

So really, boundaries are a way that creates a delineation between us and other people. They're the limits and guidelines that we create to define what is acceptable to us. So acceptable and appropriate behavior in various parts of our lives. And boundaries create a framework for healthy relationships.

But really, the healthy relationship that we have with ourselves. Boundaries are so important for our own personal well being and self preservation. It is a true key to balance and work life balance. And so we've got several types of boundaries which I'm going to describe for you.

Physical boundaries really just involve personal space, physical touch, protecting one's space and body. So that's why I know there's so much stuff on social media, where this generation of mothers, we're not forcing our kids to hug people anymore, because we're allowing them to have personal space and autonomy over their bodies.

And I actually created this list of values with my kids for our family that I thought was fun. We have it on the fridge. And one of them is personal space and personal boundaries. And my two year old daughter, she has been saying personal space and personal boundaries for a while. And it is to help keep them from invading each other's space. But also in the future as they get older, other people's space.

The next boundary is emotional boundaries, and that's really protecting our emotional well being and recognizing and respecting our own emotions along with other people's. And so this is really protecting and preserving our mental space. Or if something does not feel like a safe environment mentally, then maybe that's something to think about creating an emotional boundary for.

And then there are relational boundaries, which really are in different settings, like within a family, or with your friends, or with people at work. And I know that's a tough one for a lot of moms in demanding careers, they have a tough time establishing boundaries between home and work. And that's why y'all want work life balance, right, because you want it to be better.

And boundaries really have such a positive impact on mental health. So research has really shown that boundaries help with stress reduction, knowing your limits, and really being able to tell people that or avoid certain situations, prevents overwhelm, and really helps you to stay balanced.

Also enhancing your self respect. Because as you maintain your boundaries, you're really respecting yourself and preserving your own sense of self and what works for you. Boundaries also foster healthier relationships, because you're going to have more clarity of expectations.

You're going to decrease misunderstandings, be more clear and therefore enhance communication. And so this is just going to increase the quality of relationships that you have in interactions and connection. It's going to definitely increase your emotional well being because you're going to be able to take care of and safeguard your emotional space.

And so this is truly what prevents emotional exhaustion and burnout. So this allows you to really navigate challenges with resilience. And establishing boundaries for work life balance is so important to really allow our personal time to be our personal time. And setting boundaries really helps us to feel empowered and control our lives.

Because we really don't have control over anything outside of ourselves. We have no control over other people, we can only control what we do and control our response. And that is where boundaries really come in handy.

And healthy boundaries really prevent codependent relationships where people are just so intertwined and rely on each other for everything for emotional validation. And being able to have boundaries, a delineation between you and other people, really helps you to be independent and have a more stable and resilient mental state.

And now I'm going to dive into the actual practicality, how to implement and practice boundaries, give you some examples as well. Before I start that, I want to say that boundaries really are not something that you have to tell other people.

Your boundary is really simply for you. And boundaries go like this. If this happens, then I do that. If this, then I. So if something outside of you happens, then you take action in a certain way. And that way, it really has to do with what you're doing. Not anything else. Okay. So that is the premise of a boundary.

So let's say for example, at work, you have a tough time creating boundaries. If there is an extra project that you don't have time to do. So if there's an extra project and I don't have time, then I say no. You say no. If I'm at home, and it's after five, or after six, whatever, I am not going to look at my work emails.

So if, then. And that way, you have these, it's almost like they're little rules for you to live by. Which most of us I think are probably rule followers. Personally, I'm actually a rebel Gretchen Rubin. I don't know if anyone's familiar with her. But she has these four tendencies.

And I took the quiz twice, because I didn't believe I was a rebel. Which is ironic, because that just shows that I am a rebel. So I actually don't like to follow rules. But when it comes to boundaries, I will stick to them.

Because for me, personal boundaries and being good at sticking to them, it's a skill that I've been learning and building over time. And so it's almost like, I get to show myself how I am really transforming and growing as a person.

Because if you're familiar with Indian culture at all. My parents were born in India, they came here in their 20s. And I was born and raised in this country. And so in my culture boundaries really are not a thing.

Everybody's up in everybody's business. There's really no delineation between family members. So this has been something I've had to learn in my later adult life. And it's been a game changer. Which is why I'm so passionate about talking about it today.

So other boundaries that you can do, even certain things like with your children, for example, that's a really, really tough one. Boundaries with our own kids is tough, because the way a mom loves her children, it's so special, it's so different, and it can be so intense.

And so you love your kids so much. And you just want them to be happy. And so a lot of times we will overextend ourselves for our children, which is not a problem at all. But we can also have boundaries.

So for me, my boundary is, because I do some remote work, my coaching business, I work from home. And when my door is shut during the day, at night, I usually leave my door open so I can hear my kids, but during the daytime, if they're at home, and let's say my au pair is taking care of them. If my door is shut, then I am not available.

And so that is my own boundary, which I don't have to tell them, but I do tell them this just so that they know. And then when they don't adhere to this, and they burst into my room, I reinforce when the door is shut, I am doing work, and I'm not available to hang out and play. So that is one example of preserving, let's say your workspace or your time, and you can even do it with your children.

Now I'm going to give you a bit of an extreme example. When people are in dysfunctional relationships. And one of the spouses, let's say, has a temper problem and it's scary. And maybe they're not ready to remove themselves from the unhealthy situation, et cetera.

A great boundary for that could be in your mind, you could say if he calls me a swear word again, or if he starts slamming doors, I will leave. So you don't even have to tell the other person that. But at least for you, then you have a boundary and you have a safety plan. And it's just something that you can control.

Though I would recommend getting out of those kinds of situations because they usually don't improve with therapy and things like that. Although never say never because anything's possible, I suppose in this world, now isn't it.

Another example that's like quite personal for me. I had my first au pair, she's wrapping up with me in about a month. And our relationship started out really well. And then I would say it kind of took a turn, maybe four months in or so. And so she's been wonderful with my children, no doubt.

But when you have an au pair, sometimes you have house rules. And she does not like to follow mine. And she will tell me, oh, I would never not follow your rules, I will always respect your rules. And then she flat out doesn't. And I've caught her in a couple of white lies to me and I don't like being lied to.

So that's all to say that since we're coming towards the end of our relationship, I don't really think it makes sense to have major conversations about this. And what makes more sense for me, though, to preserve my own personal energy is to have boundaries.

So if you don't respect my house rules, and if you lie to me, then you won't get a certain privilege or a certain extra whatever it might be, extra demand from me. And though I actually found that really hard to put into action. Especially when you live with somebody, it can be very tricky in terms of how to deal with a person you live with.

So I practiced my boundary. And what I found was it made me really uncomfortable. But what I knew was that I had inner peace, knowing that I loved myself with my boundary. I respected myself with my boundary. And I was more than comfortable. And I knew if something went down with her, for example, that I would be okay. I was going to be fine no matter what.

And I'm not trying to brag I'm saying that is how I knew that I've come so far, and I'm growing so much. And so this work really means something. And it's not always easy, it is very simple. And it can change how we experience life for the better. So much more peace, so much less cognitive dissonance.

And now I'm going to get into a little bit of scientific research about the benefits of boundaries. I'm not going to bore you too much. But I think it's important for us to know concrete evidence that this is why we want to learn and practice boundaries.

And you know that I'm a scientist because I have my master's in neuroscience. I am a board certified internal medicine physician who still sees patients so I'm also a very science based person.

A study published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior investigated the relationship between boundaries, work related stress, and work life balance. And what they found was that people who actively set boundaries really ended up having a lower level of stress and higher satisfaction in their lives.

Another study published in the Journal of Family Psychology showed that families with well defined and communicated boundaries experience lower levels of anxiety and stress and having better mental health outcomes.

And the last study that I'll mention comes from the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, which has investigated the impact of parental boundary settings on child outcomes. And this research shows that parents who maintain consistent and appropriate boundaries contribute to lower stress levels in themselves but also in their children.

So if that isn't incentive to start learning how to practice boundaries, I don't know what it is. So remember, when you're practicing boundaries, you really want to create that safety, physically and mentally for yourself. So if this happens outside of me, then I do this. And you will see, you're gonna feel so so much better.

If you want to dive deeper and truly heal from the inside out, to ditch burnout and exhaustion without more self care, without working out, without meditation and truly heal yourself, get that change that you've been wanting, ditch burnout, exhaustion for good book a call with me PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will talk to you next week.