How to Stop Feeling Like a Terrible Mother

I fling open the front door and hurriedly throw my keys on the fake marble West Elm entry table, the kind that tips from side to side when you put something the least bit heavy on it. I race into the kitchen to see my kids whom I haven’t seen all day, but before I can actually soak in their presence, my brain goes to one of my least favorite places: tonight’s dinner. 

Dun dun dunnnnn.

The meal I had so carefully planned to execute the night before never happened because I was up catching up with that day’s progress notes.  

And then I was exhausted. 

And then I went onto my phone for Netflix because I deserved a break.

I deserved to numb my mind out.

And now here I am, the next day, with no food in the fridge to put a decent goddamn meal on the table.  “I’m a terrible mother,” I thought.

“Mommy mommy, come play with me!” pleads my three year old.  Sigh.  Megablocks or the magnatiles parking garage in a larger reiteration again?!  It’s just not my thing.  Creative play- that’s why the nanny is here.

 Fast forward 15 minutes and I’m lagging behind in today’s clinic notes.  

 Crash!  My toddler, trying to reach for his toys, has made a huge mess toppling a pile of charts and loose miscellaneous papers onto the floor.

So much for outer order inner calm and a clutter free home.  Blargh

Don’t lose it.

My mind races.  What was one of those Instagram tactics I saw the other day on Working Mommyhood?  Why can’t I think of it right now?

Daniel Tiger…take a deep breath and count to four?

 But before I can begin, I let out a loud scream.  “Why did you do that, Kellan?!  Do you have to make a mess like that?  Why couldn’t you ask Mommy to get your fire truck for you?”

Why did I scream?

Why am I so irritable?

I’m a terrible mother.

Does this sound familiar to you or is this resemblant of a typical weekday?

It doesn’t have to be this hard.  You don’t have to feel like you’re always catching up.  There’s a better way.  You’re not trapped.  There are concrete solutions.

Why we are so irritable?

We give so much of ourselves to our jobs and others, we have very little patience left when we go home.  We let loose.  We have to keep it together all day, deal with so much hierarchical bullshit at work and whatever other politically correct nonsense in dealing with families that when we are with our kids or husbands, we have very little reserve.

We can restructure and prioritize.  Perhaps, we can give less of ourselves at work and create some boundaries or cut back on work or shorten our notes.  This takes some time brainstorming and impletmenting, but is actually just that simple.

 Then there’s the matter of giving to ourselves.  It’s different for everyone.  I like to have trips or outings with girlfriends to look forward to.  I savor my morning cup of coffee.  That’s a special time for me of silence and allowing myself to just sit.  

Dedicate a few minutes this week to dream about what you would love to do for yourself and then go out and freakin’ do it!

There’s another way.  You just have to open your mind to it.