How to Have Better Boundaries

Hi there, everyone. I am so glad that you are tuning in today. Spring is in the air. Warm weather is here on the east coast to stay. I believe, I am so happy. So, thanks for tuning in today. If you are listening to this podcast, you're probably a high achieving type a mother and you're exhausted. Maybe even struggling with exhaustion and burnout. You've checked all of the boxes of success and still find yourself for some reason, not happy, but you don't have to feel exhausted anymore.

Imagine a life with no more burnout, more confidence, more peace of mind, and that is possible for you because it has been for me and my clients with a little bit of work. Not much time, you can be out of burnout and enjoying your life again. Check out my free on-demand masterclass, four steps, to overcoming burnout, getting rid of overwhelm, and finally, getting your peace of mind  back. Link in the show notes.

Now, today I'm going to talk to you about something that all of my clients are working on and acknowledge they need. And that's better boundaries. I did do a past episode on boundaries episode number 22 in the context of healthy relationships and having an alcoholic spouse. I dove into what boundaries truly are. So, if you're not familiar with what boundaries are, I would check that episode out. But today, I'm going to broaden the conversation on boundaries. So, boundaries are a key component of combating burnout and exhaustion and without them, you will feel like you're drowning.

Many of us grow up in homes with poor boundaries and maybe our parents treated us like adults, or, or confidants. When we were only children, or we were raised to explain ourselves too often too much. And today, as adults, maybe we feel like we have to explain ourselves all the time. So, we don't need to, okay? That's the case. We don't have to over explain ourselves. We don't have to explain our lives to other people. Really soak that one in its true. If that feels foreign to you, just take some time to sit with that concept. Boundaries are especially critical in, well, let's just before I get into what boundaries are critical in, boundaries are important for maintaining physical and mental safety feeling safe is a core need of the human experience.

So, it is something that we have to maintain and we can maintain it with our boundaries. So, part of practicing boundaries. And what boundaries are critical in is saying, no, not taking on too much work, or things. You don't want to be doing for your own physical and mental safety like I mentioned and not people-pleasing. And when you say no, you can free up time and energy and then you're actually living in alignment. So, for example, you could say no to people that you don't hang out with maybe they're a bunch of people going to dinner and you don't want to join them just say no, that's totally fine. You're allowed to do that or maybe you say no to a project at work that you don't want to take on. You don't want to take extra work on especially if you're not getting paid more, right?

Those are things we can say no to and that is creating our own boundaries. So, in terms of our mental safety, I think this is really interesting, because most of us probably, don't take into account our mental safety. We don't actually think about preserving our sense of safety within ourselves. Meaning when situations make us feel uncomfortable, instead of putting our foot down, we might try and people please, and deal with the situation that way and that doesn't create increase safety for us. Really fascinating, mental safety of course, is different for everyone, but really pay attention to situations where you don't feel safe, emotionally and be aware and give some thought to how you want to handle them and how you can create boundaries when it comes to that.

I will say, for me I have a tough time shutting down personal question. I find sometimes people will ask me questions I’m not super close to and ask me details, quite detailed questions and I feel like the overstepping according to me and my comfort level but then I have a hard time shutting on the conversation or refusing to answer the questions that are tiring for me to answer. I don't want to explain because I don't want to seem rude, but that's my own narrative. That's my own story, that people think I'm rude if I don't placate them by answering their questions, they probably don't even care all that much right. But that is something I'm working on. But think about that when you feel uncomfortable and maybe similarly, you have a hard time walking away saying no shining on the conversation, whatever you have to do to keep yourself mentally safe, maybe you're not doing it so give some thought to that because that will really unload your burden make you feel more safe more at peace and this most certainly combats mental exhaustion and burnout. You also may be able to relate to the following. I have been an over explainer much of my life. I always felt like I had to explain myself if I wanted to say no to something or if I was running late or whatever it is.

Well, running late is you should kind of explain yourself cause that's rude but, um, if I want to say no to something, just giving a really long explanation when you can just say no, that's a full sentence. The current coaches me. However, realizes that I can create my own timeline in my comfort level. I don't need to explain myself and I can shut down the conversation. I can shut down questions or not comfortable and I'm protecting myself and that is not rude, and if the asker of the questions or recipient does not like that. Well, that's actually their problem. Okay. Now, if you feel physically threatened, this is a different story. I'm not going to dive too deeply into that, but you need to have a say, You plan there, either an Exit Plan, safety plan, talk to a professional on how to get yourself safe, call the police, whatever you need to do, but safety is a basic right of life. As I mentioned, especially physical safety.

I have talked about people pleasing because it contributes to burn out too. And often we bleed our boundaries in an attempt to please others. So, we think that by saying yes, they will like us more by taking on more projects, they will have a better opinion of us and we think that we can control other people's perception of us. So, we'll bend over backwards. We will do things will self-sacrifice take on extra as a physician, you could take on an extra call weekend and think that, you know, that's really gonna get you far with other people or in your career and really often we end up depleting ourselves. And don't even get the people pleasing result that we were hoping for. So, it's basically a waste of time. So really be aware of when you're sacrificing yourself, your time, your happiness for other people. Really be careful about doing that be mindful and you will find you have more energy to okay? And you're not going to feel as exhausted, you're not going to feel as burnout.

Being aware of our choice and everything takes back our power and extinguishes exhaustion. Awareness that boundaries are a simple way to decrease our exhaustion is important,. So, learning boundaries learning to implement them is a key component in crushing burnout. And also, a core pillar in my foundational coaching program for high achieving mom's called overcoming burnout for good. Boundaries can look like the following; becoming aware of when we are tired. When our plate is full and realizing that, that is not the optimal time to take on more work, more tasks, more projects, extra projects, even something as simple as making dinner, reservations for a group. Don't do it if you're already feeling overextended, you're not doing yourself any favors, okay? So, you really pay attention and be aware. Also being aware of when something feels uncomfortable, pausing, getting curious with yourself. Why? Why you're feeling uncomfortable and then act accordingly, make a decision to keep yourself safe perhaps or not answering a question or a text that you don't want to. This is really interesting because I think we're in a society where we're reachable at all times via text and email it's really unhealthy. There's a complete lack of boundaries and we have to create our own so if you don't want to get back to someone in that moment or at all, don't I'm giving you permission. You don't need my permission but you can totally do that and it's okay. And again, boundaries can look like saying no preserving your time for people that you truly care about and not wasting it with people that you're not truly connecting with aligning with maybe you don't enjoy the company. So, really be aware of when these kinds of situations come up. Be aware of people pleasing tendencies. Think about saying no, especially when you're already tired and really keep yourself mentally, and, of course, physically safe safety. And that is what boundaries can help us do. If you want to learn more about overcoming burnout, check out my free on-demand, Master clasp or steps to overcoming burnout, getting rid of overwhelm and finally, get your peace of mind back. It's on demand so you can watch it anytime link is in the show notes. Thank you for tuning in and I shall talk to you next week.