Top 10 Burnout Mistakes And Solutions; How to Prevent Exhaustion & Stress

You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast episode number 73. Well, hello there, I am so thrilled to have you listening to this podcast episode today. Actually, it is now suddenly freezing and cold in the Northeast. We had this day, I think last Saturday where the weather was 80 degrees. And I was outside with my kiddos, and then literally Halloween, it started getting so much colder.

Anyway, I am enjoying the holiday season and just savoring this time with my children. Someone was telling me that when your kids turn around 15, they're not quite as interested in hanging out with you. So my older one is five. So I guess that gives me about 10 years left. This time is really precious, so I do my best to be present with them as much as I can.

And of course, we can't control their perceptions of us. So we just do the best that we can. And I know that you, mama, are doing an amazing job because you're doing way better than your parents ever did. So take this moment to pat yourself on the back.

Now I will say, one of my clients, she had found herself feeling so guilty as a mom and she was so distraught feeling like she was doing a bad job. But through working with me, we really worked on self empowerment. She was able to give herself compassion and love. And through the work we did together, she really felt like she was being an awesome mom and no longer was struggling with mom guilt.

Which I know is such a pervasive issue for so many of us because we've got these careers and we're stretched so so so thin. So if you want to learn more about the work that we do inside my program overcome burnout for good check out my free masterclass or steps to overcome burnout and exhaustion for good, the link will be in the show notes, you can check it out there.

So today I want to talk about the top 10 mistakes, according to me, that people make when trying to combat exhaustion and burnout. Now we know that exhaustion and burnout is just so pervasive amongst moms in general. And then moms in demanding careers because we're functioning like men at work. And then we've got all these duties at home. So you end up being spread super thin.

You're juggling a bunch of different balls in the air and you feel like you're failing at it all. And on top of that you're tired, you're dragging, so forget about enjoying your life. So once you can kind of understand these mistakes, I'm going to talk about the mistakes and then why they occur. And then I'm gonna give you some solutions as well to combat these mistakes. And if you implement just one of the things that we talked about today, you're gonna see a positive effect in your life. So here we go.

So the top 10 mistakes that people make when trying to deal with exhaustion and burnout is one ignoring the signs, two neglecting themselves, three overcommitting, four engaging in perfectionism, five not seeking any help at all, six not being able to manage their time or their stress, seven no work life balance, eight obsessing over problems, nine really not paying attention to the importance of some stillness, and 10 not being intentional and not evaluating priorities.

So let's talk about number one, ignoring the signs of burnout. Now, the signs are fatigue, irritability, not feeling motivated. And these signs we often don't recognize because we have been trained to ignore them. And I say this as a doctor where residency and even in practice, there is no room or compassion for being tired or exhausted, you just grin and bear through it. Whether that is a 24 hour shift, or taking call all night long, or working for 10-11 days in a row, that is just normalized. So if you're exhausted or you feel burnt out, often you will not even notice it's happening.

So that's basically why that's happening. Some solutions to work on this. So really checking in with yourself and seeing how you feel every morning, first thing when you wake up, that is very helpful just to see. And really listening to your mind and your body. For example, I'm on a push push mentality. That's just how I was raised. That's how I'm conditioned as a doctor and I just turned 40 in June.

So as I'm living in my 40s now, I noticed that my body gets a little bit more fatigued than it used to. So I was working out five to six days a week and sometimes it if my back is sore, or my entire body's hurting, I will skip a workout that day. And maybe that's not what other people are preaching. But I have learned to really listen and give my mind and body grace. So these are a couple things you can do to really check in with yourself so that you're not ignoring what's happening.

Alright, mistake number two, neglecting one's self. So the reason that so many of us do this is because we're conditioned to put the thoughts and feelings of other people in front of our own, we're often raised to be caretakers, we especially put our children above ourselves, which is okay.

But what this really results in is that we neglect ourselves and we forget about what we want and what is good for us. And in that process, not only if it goes on for too long, can you really lose a sense of yourself, but this is what leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness, because you're not even paying attention to your wants and your needs.

And if you don't, no one will. We have to treat ourselves with love and care to really give an example to other people of how we want to be treated. So there are so many ways to go about doing this, I think the first thing is to just acknowledge that we do neglect ourselves and that it is okay to look out for ourselves or care for ourselves. And that is not selfish. And in fact, when you start to see what is healthy for you, you can be intentional and take action to do those things.

So I'll give you my own personal examples. For me connecting with others on a bit of a deeper level, that is so important for me to feel like I belong in the tribe. We all need a sense of tribe, and when we lack that we lack that foundation, and then we feel alone. So connecting with those that I really care about, that is really significant to me. So I make time to let's say, connect with old friends.

And actually, funnily enough, it's so funny when I'm recording this podcast, I have plans to connect with my college group of friends. So we've been friends for over 20 years, and spend some time with them, which is so beautiful. And then very last minute, a dear medical school friend of mine is in town. So I'm going to try and make time to see her today.

But the point is that this is time that I'm taking away from my kids, let's say. But first of all, I'm very mindful about time away from my kids, I try to spend as much time as possible with them, as I said in the beginning of the episode, I've got 10 good years left with my son when he still wants to hang out with me. So I know that time is precious, and I try to be present and be here as much as I can.

But I also give myself grace to fit in time with those other people outside of my two children that I care about, because that really makes me feel grounded, that is a part of my identity. A part of my identity is close meaningful connections and friendships, and by fostering that I get to feel fulfilled, and I get to put my best foot forward as a mother. So just give yourself some compassion and grace to take some time for yourself on a regular basis in order to fulfill yourself.

And I'm not pushing self care, because a massage really isn't the end all be all, it's not going to solve your problems. But if you can figure out what is one meaningful part of the way you want to live life or your identity, and then take action to create that in your life, you're going to see that you're going to be more fulfilled, and you're gonna therefore show up better for your kids, be more patient with your kids, because you're not overextending yourself, and you're actually taking some time. So that is how to combat the self neglect mistake.

All right, mistake number three is over committing. So that really comes from we're supposed to take care of everyone, maybe we were raised that way. And then it really results in feeling depleted. So this comes in the form of taking on too many responsibilities, not setting boundaries, saying yes to everything, including projects that you want nothing to do with or saying yes to hanging out with people that you don't even like, it makes no sense.

And this also has to do with people pleasing as well, because you're going to do things to make other people happy, even if it's at a cost to yourself. And this kind of behavior and way of doing things really does lead to exhaustion. So one thing we can do to stop over committing is really understanding the power of no.

Now, there was a New York Times article several years ago talking about the power of no and this was the first time I'd ever heard about this. And I was so shocked because I never said no to anyone for anything. And then when I became a mother, I just realized that my life was so different. And I had to manage so much more than just when I was on my own.

And I really started to understand that it was important to say no to things that did not align with my priorities or the way I wanted to do things. So one thing I would say is definitely practicing no.

So for me, I will never forget the first time that I said no to something. And it was at work. And I had finished my workday, I was looking forward to going home and I had an extra hour before my nanny was off to work out. And I wanted to do that, it's good for me and my mental health, etc. And one of the senior people in my group asked me to go back and see an admission, he said, can you and I said, no, sorry, I can't.

And I remember feeling so guilty and so bad about it. And I think he ended up seeing the patient that day, because he lives near the hospital anyway, I'm about a half hour away. But it was fine. Like he didn't care and it was no big deal. I don't think it was much sweat off his back. But it was a huge deal for me to say no.

So once I started understanding, saying no, I got so much more comfortable with it. So really say no. And I would start with people who you're not related to like relationships that are not as close because it's not as scary to do that. Also just learning to delegate lower value responsibilities, like errands, for example, if you can have someone help you with those. Or you don't have to be doing some of the stuff that doesn't bring you joy, I would suggest doing that so that you're not over committed.

Alright, mistake number four is perfectionism. And I talk a lot about this on the podcast. I've had episodes on this because we are conditioned to be perfect. And that is insanity. Because to err is to be human. And I've said this quote before, but it's so critical to remember that being human means that we make mistakes, and we're never going to be perfect.

So if we strive for perfection, we're always going to be unhappy. And the perfectionism comes from a really young age and just the way the school system, they give us tests and in South Asian families, like in my family, if I got a 98, where are the other two points, like everything had to be perfect.

And as an adult, it's not helpful to be this way. Even if this served us to do well in school or excelling at work. And remember, the more we try to be perfect, and we're not going to be, then it just automatically leads to dissatisfaction. So by understanding this concept, you can start to not strive for perfectionism as much and just take it easy on yourself, give yourself grace, and realize that no one's perfect, and we can just do our best and be satisfied with that.

So in terms of combating perfectionism, just being aware of it, and realizing that it is okay to make mistakes, and maybe the next time something's not perfect, I get really triggered by a lack of perfection, because that's just how I was conditioned.

So when things are not perfect, I will literally just take three or four really long, deep breaths, inhale, counting to nine, exhale, counting to eight or nine, and rinse and repeat, do that a few times. And it just helps to ground me so that I can acknowledge that something being perfect doesn't matter, and then proceed to let it go.

The next mistake is not seeking help. So I think women often feel like they can do tasks themselves or they feel ashamed with whatever issues they might be having. And so then they might not talk to their friends or ask for support from people. And then that just adds to the burden even more.

So a few solutions for this is really, one thing to do is to reach out to friends and family. Because everyone is dealing with their own stuff and their own issues. So they're not going to sit there and think about whether you need help or not. But what I found is when I actually reach out to people, they show up for me.

So I was actually struggling myself with some things a few weeks ago. And I reached out to a dear group of close friends and a couple other individuals and everybody made time to call me and talk to me and it completely helped me move through that tough time. So point being, if you actually reach out to people, often they will show up for you and you're not a burden because just think about how you would show up for them.

Also, the second thing you can do is get professional help. Be it a therapist or some support, group therapy, or even life coaching. And one of my recent episodes, episode number 70, I discussed the differences between life coaching and therapy in case you're wondering about that. But those are some wondering more about the nuances and the differences between them and what would be a good fit for you. You can listen to that episode but they are also great options for moving through burnout and exhaustion.

Now another mistake that people make is not really managing their stress and just kind of living without intention. So this really creates more exhaustion for all of us and makes burnout worse. So some things you can do to deal with stress. Really take time for yourself, even if it's five minutes in the morning to savor your morning cup of coffee.

Have a routine, set an intention for the day, especially taking time to exercise. I make sure I exercise at least four to five times a week, and this really boosts my endorphins, and actually the breathing in cardio, like the rapid breathing, I noticed that just focusing on my breath kind of takes me out of my head. And it really helps to reduce stress.

As well as learning to say no to just not take on more stuff in your life. So another mistake, an issue that people have when they're struggling with burnout is really not having clear boundaries between work and personal life. So that includes reading work emails when you've left work, talking about work constantly with other people, with your partner, and letting work bleed into personal space and relaxation.

So really, it's important to set clear boundaries and give yourself deadlines and time limits for when you can engage in work stuff. Learn to unplug from technology and really have some tech free zones and tech free time. Plan things that are outside of work to really de stress and enjoy and really create more balance.

Mistake number eight is obsessing over issues or future problems and ruminating over them really just is a waste of time because we can't really control the future. We can't foresee everything and obsessing over things and going down rabbit holes for days and days is just really, really draining.

So that's another mistake that people make. They obsess over problems because they think that by obsessing and having anxiety over them, they can create a solution. And that's really not true. So a way to really not do this is to really practice the mind body connection.

And one easy way to do this is to literally tell yourself, there is a body and notice your body. Notice how you're sitting how you're standing, the contact that you might have with your chair or your feet on the floor and feel the weight of gravity. And just notice. And this is really a grounding technique. And what it does is it helps take you away your ruminating and it frees up the brain, it gets you into your body, it breaks the cycle of obsessing. So this is great.

Mindfulness meditation is awesome too, because sitting and meditating is really helpful in creating inner peace. But some people don't want to have to take time to meditate. I have a three N method that's one of my processes where you get distance from your thoughts and feelings. The first step it's really just notice. So simply noticing what your mind is doing gives you some distance, and then you're not obsessing as much. And that we talk about more inside my coaching program over home burnout for good.

Now the ninth mistake that people make is they are on the go, go, go go go go. And they underestimate our need for rest and relaxation and downtime. And so what this does is this often makes us exhausted because we'll burn the candle at both ends. And we're, let's say, working like crazy, doing a bunch of home stuff, helping our children, raising our children, managing our children. And on top of that, maybe we've got like a bustling social life.

And if you're over scheduling yourself, it can be so exhausting, and you just don't have time to rest and recoup. And even in medicine, the culture is always push, push, push, go, go go work, work, work, regardless of how you feel. So I bring that up, because we are conditioned to not take breaks. And we're conditioned to go, go, go. And so when we do this, in general, in our personal life, this really exhausts us, depletes us, and leads to burnout and exhaustion.

So ways to combat this is to first of all, be aware that you do need downtime, and really take some breaks throughout the day, give yourself time and space to do nothing sometimes.

Just be with yourself, be alone sit quietly, read a book, whatever. And you could even do it for five minutes. And you're gonna tell me, I don't have time to do that. But you actually could make five to 10 minutes and just give yourself some breathing space. And so that's in the short term.

And then in the longer term, you can schedule vacations and really have some downtime that way and get more balance in doing that. But just walk away from this episode, being mindful of needing time for rest and relaxation.

And number 10. The 10th mistake that I'm going to mention today in contributing to burnout that people make is not having an idea of their priorities and their values and living life with a lack of intention. Because when we don't live with intention, we are kind of just living life aimlessly. One day might be bleeding into the next and it's just really easy to get lost and you could be unhappy, and then one day bleeding to the other.

And the next thing you know a few years later your life looks the same. So some solutions for this are really taking time to reflect on your values. So pick your top three priorities and values and make a list of those and then really keep those somewhere either on your phone or somewhere where you can see them and really make decisions in line with those values and priorities.

And make sure that you're being intentional with your decisions and your choices and really in alignment with who you are and how you want to be. And if it's out of alignment, don't do it say no, and really think about the choices that you make in your everyday life.

So these are just 10 of the top mistakes that I believe are major contributors with burnout and exhaustion that I discussed today. Definitely take some time to either listen to this episode again or take some notes and put what I talked about today in action.

And if you're really at a point where you're ready to do the work to really heal yourself from the inside out and do the work required to find happiness and peace every day and really ditch burnout and exhaustion once and for all.

And this really happens in 90 days or less with my clients, book a call with me to get started PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. Apply to work with me and we'll see if we're a good fit to work together. On the call you're gonna get clarity and basically a roadmap to get out of burnout.

You'll walk away with both those things regardless of whether we work together. So thank you so much for tuning in today and I will be back next week.