The Power of Human Connection in Ending Burnout

You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast episode number 74. Hello there, I am so happy to have you here today listening to this week's podcast episode. I hope you're doing well, I have been doing great.

And I say that because life is often in phases of up and down, or maybe just sometimes middle ground. And I have been in a middle ground to up meaning better place, at least right now. And I attribute that to having seen some old friends recently. And I've also been in the process of making new friends in the community and also at my older child's school.

So that's been really nice and has me thinking about the power of human connection. So many of us as moms out there, you've got the demanding career, and you're just exhausted. And maybe you find yourself yelling at your kids twice a day to get out the door and brush their teeth. Or you've thought about cutting back at work for a really long time or a different role, but you're afraid to ask for that because of what your colleagues or superiors might think.

Or every day your brain is just spinning nonstop over your to do list or pending work that's piling up. And this is mentally exhausting, and it leads to exhaustion and burnout. And what I do in my program, and I'm going to talk about today, it's really solutions to ditch burnout and exhaustion once and for all. And if you want to learn more about that check out my free masterclass four steps to overcoming burnout and overwhelm to get your peace of mind back. The link will be in the show notes.

And in terms of solving it, today, we're going to dive into the concept of human connection and how powerful it is. So let's just start with creating an understanding of the impact that relationships and connection have on our well being. Studies have shown that strong healthy relationships are linked to better mental and physical health, along with having a reliable support system. And this can truly improve emotional health, well being, resilience, and most importantly, it fulfills the need to belong.

So for us, having a sense of belonging as human beings is such a key component for leading a balanced life. And we really are inherently social creatures. Evolutionarily, the survival and success of the human species has heavily depended on our ability to form strong bonds. So in prehistoric times, early on, early humans found support and also resources within the framework of tribes or close knit social groups.

Which is why we always talk about, I think there's a common idea that having a sense of tribe is so important. Now back then those tribes provided protection against external threats like predators, and also helped with the success of hunting and gathering and feeding families. And the tribe would share these responsibilities and resources. And therefore the burden was no longer on one person. And that really helped them survive.

So this is how humans evolutionarily really thrive in cooperative and interconnected communities. Now, today, it's a little different, especially in the United States. People tend to often stick to themselves, they don't ask for help, houses often are not as close together. And I say this because I remember when my grandmother was alive, when she would come to visit us from India, she would feel so lonely, because the juxtaposition of living in America where everything's kind of quiet, you're on your own a lot.

She was used to living in an apartment in India, where neighbors would just drop by unannounced and she was constantly socializing. So that gives me a little bit of a comparison of how maybe other countries might function. I know that's how India is, people are much more social. But in this country, people don't always have this automatic community. And that's where the work comes in. And we get to decide that we can create one, we build one.

So our brains have evolved to reward us for social interactions as well, because positive social connection really triggers the release of oxytocin. And oxytocin is a hormone that really fosters trust and bonding. And that's why spending time with loved ones and belonging and being a part of a community.

For me, that's my college group of friends, my medical school group of friends, a couple of residency friends, I'm close with too, although currently I'm really working on building the community where I live and trying to make new mom friends. Which is why I'm bringing this up because I want everyone to have this at the forefront of their mind. Forming strong relationships is just rewarding. And it really has been through human history for the reasons I just described.

So when we have a tribe, a group of friends or a supportive community, we have a place to turn when life gets overwhelming or we're having a hard time and hopefully you build a community with people who you trust, who can have empathy for you and you for them. And who can understand what your struggles might be, and make you feel like you have people to lean on. And that connection is such a great tool, a safety net, and can help us navigate the challenging aspects of being a working mom, a mom in a demanding career.

Where you're doing so much at work, and you're so busy. And then at home, you're also perhaps having the majority of the mental and physical labor at home as well. The other thing I didn't mention before, which I should have is that early on humans and tribes, they actually experienced less stress, because they had this sense of belonging and emotional support, and that contributed to their overall survival, but also reproductive success as well.

I'm going to briefly break down the types of connection that human beings can have. So you got familial, friendships, and romantic. So we've got those types of connection. And what's interesting is there are a lot of preconceived notions about family where you feel like you're supposed to be the closest with your family. But sometimes, depending on how much personal growth you yourself do, you can start realizing maybe things that don't align for you that your family demonstrated, or the practices that your family had.

Or maybe that your family is not supportive in certain ways, and maybe they don't meet your needs in certain areas. And as you do that, connection with others becomes that much more crucial and critical. So friends, for example, fostering those friendships can really be grounding and help you during good times and bad.

And I think I said this on last week's episode, that people are often caught up with their own stuff. But if you actually reach out to your friends and tell them that you need them, more often than not, as long as they themselves, if they're going through a hard time, they're not gonna be able to show up for you. But most of the time, people will turn up for you, you just have to ask.

And of course, fostering that connection, in general is really important, be it through text messages, or sending cards, or sending a gift, or that you're thinking about them, or calling people. That's really important in maintaining the friendships throughout.

And then we've got romantic relationships, which especially if you're married, or have a partner, and you live with them, that's a day to day interaction that is one of the most important relationships of all. Because that's the person, especially if you have a lifelong commitment with them, that you're going to be with even after your kids leave the house, after your parents pass away. So that one probably needs the most attention and take that for granted the least.

And so also you have to figure out ways to connect with your partner on a daily basis in person, know their love language, really foster that and work on good communication skills.

And actually beyond that, and I'm not a relationship coach, but something that I've really come to know is that knowing who you are, where you came from, your emotional history, your baggage, why you made the decisions you've made, how you got here, and really knowing yourself and loving yourself, that is critical in building a relationship and a connection with a romantic partner. And hopefully they do the same. And then it makes it a little easier to create a connection between the two of you.

So those are the types of connections and then also we've got superficial versus more intimate connections. So superficial conversation is just conversations that you have with people that you don't know, like the weather, or what trips are you taking, but things that do not really scratch beyond the surface. And I personally am not interested in doing that in my life anymore, I just find it to be not rewarding. And I feel like it's a waste of my time.

And if I'm going to make friends with people, I really want to scratch beyond the surface and delve a little bit deeper than that. I mean, you can't really do that right away with people you don't know. But me personally, I'm pretty open. So I will usually be honest about my situation.

And with a little bit of vulnerability, I think that welcomes people to be vulnerable as well. And granted, you don't have to overshare but if you're comfortable sharing below surface stuff, I think that's always useful in initiating a little bit more intimate of a conversation, intimate of a connection that's beyond the superficial, because that's really how we create those bonds.

So now I'm going to talk a little bit about maintaining and improving these relationships. So I've got about seven tips to talk about today.

Tip number one is really prioritizing communication. So this is really wonderful and not easy to do to have real conversations. Really sharing our honest thoughts and feelings while practicing kindness at the same time. And this is truly the foundation of any strong relationship.

And I actually really like the Gottman Institute for little tips and tricks. It's on romantic relationships, but I also think it's applicable to other parts of our lives. Including conversations with our children, where communicating with kids and really having those lines of communication, a judgment free zone and somewhere where the kids feel safe to talk to us. That's really critical in the bond with our children as well.

Tip number two, quality time. So really making time to spend with the people that you care about. So be it trips, my college group of friends has a yearly trip, same usually my med school group of friends, we meet yearly. And with other friends, I try to make time to talk them on the phone regularly or see them.

If you've got a partner really plan those date nights automatic, schedule them, have playdates for your kids with friends, and try to be present when you're at home with your family and put your phone away because that is quality time and our kids will be gone before we know it. So really being present in these moments can strengthen that connection with others.

Tip number three is practicing empathy and understanding. So just the idea that everyone has their own struggles, so we just never know what's going on with other people. So really try and put yourself in the shoes of your partner or friends or family and try and have empathy for them. Because this can really lead to better connection as well.

And if you show up empathetically for someone else, don't expect anything in return. But oftentimes people will surprise you. And they will support you in an empathetic way. And you will receive that well.

Tip number four, boundaries. They're healthy. So learning boundaries is so important. And boundaries really look like if you do this, then I will do that. So it's not about shutting other people down. It's really protecting our own personal space and our needs.

And so I'll give an example of this, which is interesting. And it's come up for me recently. I realized that one of my personal triggers is when people raise their voices or when they're yelling. And one of my children has taken to shouting from time to time. So I told my child, hey, can you please stop shouting, and my child didn't listen. So then I said, hey, if you keep shouting, I'm going to have to remove myself from the room for a moment because I'm not enjoying it, and I gotta leave the room.

And I set that boundary. If you do this, then I'll do that. That's how boundaries work. And I found that the shouting stopped right away, and I didn't have to leave the room.

So it's really interesting when we can communicate our needs and have a plan in place for ourselves for our own mental and physical safety, given whatever scenario you want to plug into that.

And boundaries in preserving our personal safety and space really help to energize us and reduce exhaustion and prevent burnout, it leads to better connection and better and healthier relationships, actually. And remember that the people who really love and care about you, they're not gonna be mad at you if you practice boundaries for yourself.

Tip number five is gratitude practice. I love this one because gratitude is known as something that really boosts happiness. Research has shown that gratitude practice really leads to a happier life. And so taking time every day to reflect on the positive aspects of our lives, having gratitude for the people in our lives, having gratitude for the relationships.

Really telling ourselves how grateful we are for things, that's important to really acknowledge that. But also expressing gratitude for others. And I think it's so important to let those who we care about know that while they're still around, and hopefully that way, we won't have regrets.

And so practicing gratitude can definitely strengthen the connection between us and others, really strengthen that bond and have a positive ripple effect just all around. That's one of my favorite things to practice, because it's just so easy to do.

And I've probably mentioned this before, but I've been practicing gratitude with my older child since he was two and a half. And now he's five and now my younger daughter, she is two and a half. So I just started practicing with her too.

Tip number six is to seek help when you need it. So don't be afraid to ask for help when you're going through a challenging time, fom your partner or friends or whomever else. Really sharing your struggles can help you feel better, but also help others have a better understanding of where you are. And that leads to strengthening of relationships as well.

Last but not least, tip number seven is to celebrate. And this is one of my favorites. This is not as easy to practice as gratitude. But this is one of my favorite things to do celebrate everything, whether it's a personal achievement, an anniversary, a special occasion, a birthday, whatever it is.

Getting people together for these milestones, and really creating memories to reinforce the joy of life. And also you'll see that when people show up for you during these special occasions, it strengthens the bond, it strengthens the relationship, and you're going to feel really, really loved and cared for.

And me personally, a shout out to all my friends, particularly the ones who have shown up to celebrate with me some of the big moments in my life and they have taken a lot of trouble to do that and my sister too actually. So I love and care for them very deeply and it has meant so much to me that they've been there for me.

And so taking the time to do the celebration and celebrate really each other and each other's success, each other's growth. And I remember a good friend of mine from medical school, a dear, dear friend, she and I were talking on the phone and we were both celebrating each other's progress in life.

And it was just nice to cheer each other on for the mundane things. Because I think often we just take that for granted. But that's another way to really deepen your connection with other people.

And now I'm just gonna talk about a couple of client examples. I have of really strengthening connection and relationships. One of my clients who is a physician and mother of two small kids, she started incorporating her older child, her daughter, into her morning routine of just making her coffee and having her help with stuff in the morning.

Now, this served a couple of different purposes. Her daughter felt important, she felt like she was connecting with her mom. And the client was also getting some help in the morning. So it just ended up everybody was winning.

But she felt like through creating a couple very simple rituals with her child, she was able to foster a deeper connection, and she found her child acting out a lot less when she was doing that. So that's something to think about doing. Especially if you have younger kids, they love being involved in mundane activities.

Another one of my clients, who is a pharmaceutical executive and mom of two, she took time to start playing the guitar again. And what she ended up doing was she ended up taking guitar lessons with her daughter. So that was their special thing that they were doing together. And she was able to really connect with her daughter and reignite her old hobby and make time for herself through practicing the guitar.

And now I'll give you one of my own personal hacks. If my son has like a half day off from school, I try to do something with him. Be it spend time with him, run errands with him, get a meal with him, just so that we get in some quality time on a regular basis. And this is in addition to whatever day to day practices that we have like the gratitude practice or storytime or he's playing the ukulele now, he just started but I sit with him when he practices that.

Because for me, academics and being disciplined are really my strong suits so I can show up for my kids in that way. Emotional intelligence is also something I'm really interested in. So we talk a lot about mindset and the ways we see the world. And we do a lot of practicing breathing for, let's say having coping skills and tools in our toolbox for any and all emotions, which are all okay to feel.

So those are specific examples of my clients and me and what we've done. And I'll also add that I know a lot of you are probably thinking that cutting back work to part time is the best way to be a good mom and spend time with your kids.

Well, that's not the only way to be a better mother and connect with your children. And it's okay that you think that because society has been implying for years that we have to work part time even schools don't really cater events and scheduling to working moms. But if you've fallen in that trap, I'm willing to bet that you've been feeling guilty too for a while.

So we know that if working part time made us feel less mom guilt and created better parents then everyone who worked part time would be totally fulfilled and satisfied as a parent. And we know that's not the case.

So here's what the women who are fulfilled and happy career moms, what they do. They create rituals in the morning of a minute of snuggle time or having their child participate in making their morning coffee like my client did, or putting your phone away when you walk in the door for an hour to really connect and inquire about your kid's day.

Or have a mindfulness based practice every night before bed like gratitude practice or belly breathing for about a minute or so with your kids like we talked about. So that gives you plenty of stuff to think about today. When we die, we're going to remember the connections we made with our friends and family, those memories and those moments. Not being at the computer for our job, putting more time and energy into work. That is not what we're going to remember.

And I say that as a physician who does a lot of end of life care. I've been a hospice medical director and for sure the work stuff doesn't matter as much as we think it does. And the day to day grind, it's so easy to get caught up in that, especially when you have kids.

But really being able to zoom out and think about what we talked about on today's episode, the power of human connection and how not only is it so, so important but it really will help us combat exhaustion. And I've helped so many professional moms work on these kinds of issues and fix this problem through coaching with me.

So to see if you are someone that I can help too, click on my scheduling link. The link is in the show notes, www.PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. Thank you so much for listening today and I will talk to you next week.