The Fastest Way To Make Hard Decisions

You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast, episode number 68. Welcome to this podcast episode. I am so excited to have you here today. If you've been listening, thank you so much for tuning in. And if you're new, welcome, welcome.

It is now getting cold in the Northeast, school is majorly in session. I actually went to a back to school night at my older one's school, it was so beautiful and his teachers are so enthusiastic and it's wonderful. And his kindergarten teacher teaches the kids on how to speak up for themselves, how to really advocate for themselves, and to have boundaries.

And I know that I'm sure you feel the same way I do, I wish I had been taught that when I was young because it's so useful, right? Because so many clients come to me struggling with boundaries and really finding it hard to be confident in themselves and having a hard time making decisions, which is really what brought me to today's episode topic.

And the work we're doing inside my program overcome burnout for good is so remarkable. Clients are just having breakthroughs every single day. And one of my clients actually was telling me, she's a doctor and a mom of three young kids, and she really felt like she was struggling with balancing everything, juggling it all, feeling like she was drowning. I'm sure that sounds familiar to you. But through working with me, she was really able to find balance in her career and able to manage stress and anxiety so much easier and being able to cultivate peace of mind in any given moment.

And with her I think it was especially tough because she had premature twins. And so she really had to work hard on cultivating peace when her baby twins might get sick, you can imagine the newborn phase and it really can be anxiety inducing. So cheers to her, kudos to her for doing the hard work that we do and really reaping the benefits. And to learn more about this process that we use inside my program, I encourage you to sign up for my free masterclass on four steps to overcome burnout and exhaustion once and for all. The link will be in the show notes.

Now let's dive into today's topic, which really is about how we make hard decisions. And hard decisions really arise when we are afraid. Like they'll sit there, these decisions we have to make, they loom in the back of our minds. They're pending, they're definitely draining us of time and energy and brain space. And so they're difficult, right. And often the reason they're difficult is because they are tied to fears.

So we're going to talk about the concept of fearing forward. Now this is my own concoction, my own concept, fearing forward, but basically fearing forward is facing our fears, indecision, and moving forward anyway. So moving forward, in spite of our fears is fearing forward. And there's a famous quote by Franklin D Roosevelt, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Okay, so just remember that.

So I'm guessing maybe you find yourself afraid of making decisions, doing certain things, but you are underestimating yourself, you are underestimating your own power. And the reason you're doing this is it's basically a safety mechanism.

So this safety mechanism of fear in our brains is really a fundamental part of human survival. And fear is an emotional and a physiological response that has evolved over millions of years. And its purpose is to protect us from potential threats and dangers in our environments. And that's a good thing, right.

So here's how this works just so you kind of know how your brain is functioning. So our brain perceives a threat or danger, and then we're going to sense that through our senses, seeing hearing, smelling, or through cognitive processes, like thoughts and memories, and then that's going to activate the amygdala.

Now stay with me, this is a little scientific, you have to remember, I'm a physician. So this is of course, how my brain tends to think, and I think it's good for us to understand what's going on at baseline.

And that's how we can really work with it and take action to counteract some of these things that are not helpful.

So the amygdala in our brain really processes fear and emotional responses. And so when we perceive a threat, the amygdala is going to send signals to the hypothalamus, the brainstem, other parts of the brain, and you're gonna get a release of stress hormones in response to this signal that the amygdala is sending out.

And when we get the release of stress hormones, like adrenaline, cortisol, this really gets our body into the fight or flight mode. And so that's when you're going to feel the anxiety, right? So this of course, is going to get our heart rate going, have us feeling more alert, maybe increasing your breathing, increase blood flow to muscles, and the design of this is to help us react quickly to any perceived threat.

So of course then in response to the fear, our brain is going to trigger a behavioral response. So that would be fleeing from the threat, fighting to protect ourselves, and then of course these fearful experiences are going to be etched into our memory so that we can use it for future similar situations.

And over time, we learned to associate certain cues or situations with fear. And these really show up in today's world as triggers. Back in the day this was very useful, of course, when you're out in the forest scavenging and you gotta run from a wild animal, right.

But as much as the safety mechanism is so crucial for our survival, in the contemporary world, in today's life, this can become problematic because what we end up doing is we've got certain stories in our minds, we've got our childhood memories, which shaped us, and then we've got certain triggers that can trigger us into stress and anxiety. And if we don't know that this is happening, it puts us down rabbit holes, it stresses us out more, it makes us scared when maybe we don't need to be.

So fears can come in all shapes and sizes. Now smaller fears. I had a client one time she was telling me how she was brave and she faced her fear of going to Costco on a weekend with two small kids all by herself. And that was a great feat, right? Because, I'm not a big Costco person, I actually avoid grocery stores like the plague, I'd rather get my groceries delivered or pick them up. I don't love taking my kids to the grocery store because that also ends up requiring a lot of no, we can't get that no, we can't get this. And then of course, I have my own fear that I have to fight the fight of you can't have this and maybe a tantrum, maybe not. So that's an example of a small fear, right, that I'm sure you have faced.

Another example of a smaller fear might be flying with your kids alone, I know that I was so afraid to fly with my children by myself, not because it was actually scary. But having anxiety about the moments of collapsing the stroller right before you get on the plane for plane side check in and not having an extra set of hands. And at that time, I remember my baby wasn't walking yet. So just the idea of I had to put her in the carrier while I did this so that she wasn't crawling around on the floor. So it was a minor logistical nightmare. But these are the kinds of fears that we have, and then we face them and everything is okay. So these are kind of smaller fears.

Now, larger fears are, you know, fear of leaving a job, fear of leaving a partner, or a spouse, or a marriage, or moving cities. And these fears are bigger ones and not facing these fears, the big and the small, can really keep us stuck. And on the other side of facing our fears is truly greatness, because the status quo is so much easier to just do even if you're unhappy. Or even if you're miserable, or you just feel like this is not the life you wanted for yourself. That's where the unhappiness and the crappiness of life lies. When we're just kind of hanging in there in the status quo.

But when we start to do the scary thing, that is when life becomes so, so wonderful. And the courage is there in each and every one of us. And we do have the power to change, to make moves. Even if you don't believe it, it is there, it's inside of you. And this is really the work we do inside my program overcome burnout for good, really facing our fears, and fearing forward is one of the components in my five pillar process inside the program.

And I want to give you a small story about myself actually and be vulnerable here. I noticed recently, I became aware that I had had a fear of being overweight for much of my life because I was overweight, probably starting at the age of 10. And then in middle school, I went on a diet and I exercised and I pretty much maintained a healthy body weight. But my body weight was kind of up and down throughout high school and even college.

And it really wasn't until I think I hit residency in my mid 20s, where I really just started having a healthier attitude towards exercise and eating right. And I didn't have to be afraid of being overweight, because that had not happened for, at this point, 20 years.

But what's so interesting is we have these patterns ingrained in our minds, right? And they're so deep that we end up having irrational fears of things because we're just conditioned to believe certain things about ourselves. So for me, there's this inner overweight child inside. And I get to say, hey, that may have been a problem in the past, but that's no longer an issue and I get to let it go. So I get to face that fear. And I face it head on and I get to ditch it because I'm aware of it.

So I hope that helps you just understand that you're not alone in your fears. And we're gonna talk about how to face them. So here we go. Here's the action you can take to ditch your, fears face your fears, like I'm talking about. So I want you to think of one or two instances in your life where you faced your fears head on and on the other side was goodness or freedom or peace. Really, I would pause this and take some time to write it down or brainstorm a time when facing your fears really led to something beautiful.

Once you do that, really use that example as fuel to keep facing your fears, to keep making the scary decisions. Because this is really the currency to a happy, joyous, peaceful life. Facing our fears. Because most people want to run away from them because of course, right that keeps us safe, the status quo, but it is really through shaking things up that we can learn to have a way more fulfilling life. I want you to also identify and acknowledge your fears.

So really start by recognizing and naming the specific fear or fears that are holding you back, that are getting in your way, what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of stepping into? What are you afraid of leaving in a certain big scary decision? And know that you can be afraid and take action anyway, it does not have to paralyze you. And if you're facing a larger fear with a larger decision, and you really feel overwhelmed, simply break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. And this can really make the process less scary.

I know a lot of times, we tend to plan ahead, plan for the six months or year ahead. And not only is it overwhelming, but a lot of times things can just really change and our plans just go awry anyway. So it's really better when you're stressed, or you have something major going on, to take one baby step at a time.

And I have this client who was going through a very tough time. And she was in an abusive marriage with mental and physical abuse. And the idea of leaving her spouse was so daunting to her because the status quo was just changing. And in a way, it was easier, though living like that was really unbearable for her.

So instead of having a long term plan, because she could not fathom, she couldn't think of it, she just took one step of deciding she was going to move out. And that was it. There was no more thought after that. The first step was to move out. And that, of course, is a huge step. But it was just one step. And she didn't have to think about the future.

And that's how she was able to do it much more easily. Because she didn't go down the rabbit hole of what am I doing, is my marriage breaking up, or any of that. She literally just decided, okay, I'm going to keep myself safe and I'm moving out. So think about that as your example for just one baby step in a very seemingly insurmountable situation or decision.

So one baby step at a time, you take those, and eventually you get to where you need to go. Also, if you need support, seek help from friends, or a therapist, or a coach in having your accountability and really moving you forward. And when you're having negative thoughts really challenge and reframe those negative thoughts and beliefs, the ones that are not helping you, and figure out how you can really start to cultivate more powerful thoughts that will give you fuel to move forward.

So one of my favorite thoughts and mantras that I came up with, or maybe it was Bonnie Koo, who came up with it when I was working with her, was I can do this. And this has been such a powerful mantra of my life. And it really helps me to face my fears, to do the scary things, and really to live a life so much greater than I ever thought I would.

And then of course, the next step is to develop a plan and create a plan for how you're going to face your fear or make your decision, and have a step by step structured approach. And that's really going to make you feel empowered, like you have your sense of control. And know that you can always change your mind.

And knowing that we can always change our minds is really helpful in decreasing the scariness of making changes. And if you're feeling like a plan is too much, and you really don't want to make this long plan. It's intimidating, it's overwhelming, then do what I said earlier and really just take one small step. And of course, once you make your decision, taking action with a small step is really going to get you over that fear and to where you want to go.

And use that fear as a catalyst. Tony Robbins teaches that fear can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth and transformation. So instead of avoiding fear, he suggests that we embrace it and use it as a tool for positive change. And then we get to redefine fear. So instead of seeing it as a negative thing, we can actually see it as a call to action and an opportunity for growth. So really reframing how we see things can help us to cultivate so much more peace of mind instead of spinning in confusion and feeling unhappy and miserable.

And as you face your fears. Remember to practice self compassion, really be kind and understanding to yourself because it really is normal to feel fear. I talked about basically our fight or flight response and how our brain is conditioned, right? So it's completely natural to feel fear and setbacks can happen. So really be kind to yourself and as compassionate to yourself as you would your own children or your friend. And remember, facing your fears takes so much strength and courage and it's okay to feel afraid. It's completely natural and normal.

The key is to not let your fear paralyze you, but instead use it as a motivator for growth, transformation, and positive change. And over time, as you practice, and you learn to face your fears, and have confidence, to make those tough decisions, you're going to build that resilience that is going to serve you so so well as you keep growing and changing.

And to really dive deep into this work, to have a streamlined process, to be more present at home even if you're working crazy hours to ditch the mom guilt, finally unplug, and and exhaustion and burnout forever in 90 days or less. And I say 90 days or less because we are high achievers and we want to get shit done.

And these processes are going to work faster than what you've tried, than the therapy, self help books, or yoga. Book a call with me to get started PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. On the call, you're going to find clarity for what's going on, what's getting in your way, and we will craft a roadmap to be rid of burnout for good. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will talk to you next week.