Self-Care is the Worst Way to End Burnout and Exhaustion

You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast episode number 78. Hello, how are you? I hope you're doing well. I am so happy to have you listening to today's podcast episode. It is freezing here in the Northeast. So I have maybe been doing a little bit of retail therapy, grabbing cozier and warmer sweaters. And I restarted my newly rental, I have no affiliation with them, just to have some variety in my wardrobe.

But yeah, I think last winter was a lot milder, it wasn't as cold as soon so it's been chilly here in the North East. But the fun part of that is the holidays are approaching. I actually just got my very first real Christmas tree, please don't judge me. I know it's not good for the environment.

But I love the smell. And it was a big deal for me to get my own tree. And I'm super excited. It just came last night, it was delivered. And now I get to decorate it with my kids. And it's going to be a beautiful holiday season.

So today I want to talk about really the concept of self care. Is it really the way to energize yourself in the long run? I don't think so. Because we've all been told about self care for a really long time. It's been pushed on us as the antidote to burnout.

And if that were the case, then everyone who gets mani pedis would just be out of exhaustion and burnout and energized, right? So here's what most women who are in survival mode, in demanding careers, who are exhausted do when they're, let's say, proud of their careers, but daily, they're filled with guilt, because they're not showing up for their family in the way that they want or making plans for fun.

When they're not working they feel even more overwhelmed, never getting a sense of peace or balance. And it's really frustrating because on paper, they have everything that they've worked for personally and professionally. Or when you get home after a long hard day of work, there's still emails or charts pending that you can't separate work from home.

And then during storytime with your kids, you don't even know what you're reading. You want to be present, but your brain is spinning in a million directions thinking about your to do list and all the work that's piling up, right. So people with these problems are often trying more self care. And so many professional women are getting mani pedis, they're getting massages every once in a while.

And though these things are great, it's good to pamper ourselves, it's great to take a break and just be alone or get a mani pedi with a friend. But in terms of solving the issue of burnout and exhaustion, these tactics just don't work. And the reason is that getting a mani pedi or getting a massage, that lasts for an hour, maybe two. You feel a little bit relaxed for a couple of hours.

But then it's back to either work at your job or work at home. Getting stuff done, being the default parent, or functioning as a single parent or being a single parent. Whether it's arranging the kids lessons, their extracurricular activities, childcare, or trying to plan a night with friends. So trying the self care stuff, it doesn't work.

And so women continue to run into these problems, because self care is really temporary. And the only way to truly be energized, to truly be less exhausted, is to heal from the inside out. To do the work on the inside. And you may be wondering, how do I do this, right.

And so of course, this is a lot of the work that we do inside my coaching program overcome burnout for good, but I want to let you in on what I believe is the crux of this work, to really having a life filled with inner peace and joy.

And the first step to this besides having a vision and living a life with intention, which I've talked about before. Maybe not the first step, but another major pillar of this is to learn how to love yourself. And I say learn because I think all kids love themselves.

And I see this in my children how, especially when they're babies, they have such a fascination with themselves and starting from when they're newborns, they love looking in the mirror. And then they are just really pleased with themselves and they love themselves and it's incredible. And then we were probably like that, and then life does its number on us. And then we begin to accommodate other people's needs above our own.

We learn to people please and we lose sight of how magical, how wonderful we are. And so loving yourself. It really will have the most profound effect on your life. And it's a wonderful example to set for children as well. So when you start to ask yourself the question of what would I do if I loved myself, it really starts bringing so much clarity to areas where you may be having confusion.

And I know a client of mine, she was really struggling in her marriage. And through doing the self love work, she was able to leave a very toxic and abusive situation. But it was learning to love herself that helped her to face her fears and leave him. So it's so powerful, this work.

Now, you could use self love on a much more basic level. But it does make decisions a lot clearer. So we really have to decide that we're going to reteach ourselves to love ourselves.

So a couple of years ago, I read a book by Kamal Ravi Kahn, and I hope to have him on the podcast in the new year. And his book is called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. And it really talks about the power of self love. And he talks about his own personal journey, which hopefully he'll be on the podcast talking about that which will be great. And he gives a few tips.

Now his tips are as follows. Repeating the mantra of I love myself, just all the time and this affirmation to remind yourself to love yourself. And really shifting in replacing negative thoughts with more positive affirmations. Making self love a daily habit and being consistent with this, be it through meditation, affirmations, or just something you do every day.

And visualizing a positive future. So envisioning a life with self compassion and positive energy. As well as letting go of negative influences, and being really picky about who you're surrounding yourself with. N

ow, I read this book a couple of years ago, and it most certainly transformed my life. And then I was talking to an energy reader. I am into a lot of manifestation. And I've gotten very much into energy. And she told me to focus on self love. So I decided to get back into my self love practices, meaning, after I read his book, I really learned to love myself and make decisions in that light.

But I decided to take that practice one step further and cultivate a daily ritual. So actually, the first time I decided to do this, I looked in the mirror, and I told myself, I love you. And it was really awkward. And it felt really weird. And it freaked me out. Like it felt really strange.

And what's interesting about this is it was actually really hard to do, which makes me realize that loving ourselves isn't second nature. And it's something that we have to sort of teach ourselves to do again.

So come up with a ritual of self love for yourself that you can practice. It doesn't have to be like what I'm talking about here today, it can be anything that you feel is a good self love practice. The concept of looking into the mirror and saying I love you, you're lovable just for being you. It's similar to Mel Robbins, high five habit where you look in the mirror, you look yourself in the eye, and you give yourself a high five.

And similarly, it's just looking in the mirror and making eye contact with yourself. And even though you might be looking in the mirror when you're putting on your serums or your makeup, it's very different when you're looking in the mirror and you're actually being a friend to yourself. So try that and you'll see that at first it's really awkward, it feels very unnatural.

It might not even feel great and it can be a little confusing, but as you keep practicing it, it becomes less awkward. And you really start to embody that concept of loving yourself.

So that is one way that you can really energize yourself for long term success as opposed to the band aid solutions like self care mani pedi and massages. I'm not saying that they're not good but they really are a simple Band Aid fix for feeling chronically exhausted or being in survival mode.

And to dive deeper into this work, book a call with me, PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. I've helped so many professional moms with these types of problems and see if you're someone that I can help too. Check it out. And thank you so much for tuning in and I will talk to you next week.