How to Make Friends as a Working Mom

You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast, episode number 88. Hello, thank you for being here and listening to this podcast today.

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So today, I'm going to talk about a couple of things that came up, really the power of human connection. But the reason I'm bringing up this topic today is because I'm in this entrepreneurial network, and a conversation came up during which people were talking about how certain relationships are meant to come to an end.

And I found that so profound, because I think often we are taught that relationships are supposed to or should be a certain way. And that way really is lasting forever.

So I'm really gonna dive into that topic today. And if you are a professional mom, you've got a successful career that you're proud of daily, but you're filled with guilt, because you're just not showing up for your family in the way that you want. Or you just can't be present for the moments that matter.

And your brain is always spinning in a million directions, thinking about your to do lists at work and at home. If that sounds familiar to you, please check out my brand new on demand masterclass. How overdrive and career moms can ditch burnout and exhaustion without more self care in just five minutes a day, the link is in the show notes.

Now, in terms of human connection, really, it's friendships and relationships that often connection makes us feel fulfilled, it boosts our happiness. And it's so important in our overall sense of well being.

And where this really comes from is our sense of tribe, because tribe really refers to belonging to a social group of individuals, right, who have things in common, and they help each other. And this was so important, especially pre historically, humans were living in small nomadic groups relying on cooperation, working together, mutual support for survival.

And so this was critical for survival. And if you take this evolutionary development, you can see how for us, we still want that same connection. The early tribes were closely connected by familial ties, and hunting and gathering and protecting each other from threats. And now that we don't need to be we can go to the grocery store for our food. And it's not quite the same, we still require that connection.

So I bring this up, just so that you know that this is why we crave connection. But on the other hand, we've also been sold and told the idea that a lot of relationships have to last forever. For example, marriage is supposed to be forever.

You're supposed to get along with your family. You're supposed to get along with your mom and dad. You're supposed to get along with your sibling. You're supposed to have friendships that lasts forever. And that is wonderful, right, when it works out. There are two people that create all relationships.

And sometimes relationships just cannot last forever. Sometimes they are meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time. And I want to talk about that today. Because I feel like that can take the pressure off and give us tremendous relief when our relationships don't live up to society's standards.

Because these standards are what cause us suffering because we believe that we should be doing things a certain way. We believe that if our marriage ends or if a friendship ends, that we're failing.

And I know if you're a mom who's in a demanding career, you're type A, you're a perfectionist. I know that you are probably considering yourself a failure when things aren't picture perfect.

But remember, just because society has trained us to think a certain way, just because we are pressurized for things to last forever or for relationships to be a certain way. That does not mean that we have to internalize that. That does not mean that we have to agree.

We can actually have our own take on relationships and decide if we want them. Decide if they're healthy and give ourselves grace and forgive ourselves if there are relationships that we don't want to be a part of. And maybe other people or society is frowning upon that, right?

So, on one hand, we've got this need for human connection. But on the other hand, they don't have to last forever. So this concept of the tribe, it's really talking about our innate need for connection and belonging. Whether it is from our ancestors who were in tribes, even now, finding a sense of community and like minded individuals and people for your group is so important.

And have you ever noticed that when you do meet people who are on the same page as you, or like minded people, how fulfilled you feel, how supported you feel, how connected you feel, right. And so, that's so important. So it's wonderful to make those connections.

And I have been really doing this, in the last few years, I have been, I guess, you could say shaking up my life a bit, I definitely have a lot of old friendships, and I foster those, especially the ones that mean a lot to me.

And there is something really special about friends that you've known forever, because there's a certain amount of safety you feel or you just feel like they know you or they knew you at a different time. And it's very comfortable. It's like your created and chosen family.

So there's that. So I foster those. But I've also really been getting out in my own community. Meeting like minded women, meeting more people like networking a bit more, and just trying to surround myself with people who think like me. Because, it's important for us in our own personal development, growth or journey to feel like we're not alone. It's important for us to, I mean, we really are who we surround ourselves, by and with.

So that also is crucial in our sense of fulfillment, belonging. So that's all to say that, it's great to be open minded and make new connections that maybe fit you better than some of your older friendships and perhaps, dial back on certain friendships that maybe you're outgrowing. And that's okay. You don't have to feel guilt, you don't have to feel shame. You can feel sad. I think change is really hard. And we can have grief for things that change.

But just giving ourselves, just some leeway, and being easy on ourselves for, let's say, choosing not to put a ton of pressure on certain relationships on the forever part. Right? So think about marriage, right? Nobody goes into marriage thinking that they're gonna get a divorce, most people don't, I don't think.

And our society really pressurizes us to stay married. And a lot of times people have really toxic situations, it's detrimental to their mental health or physical health. And if they have children together, or there are kids in that environment, it's horrible for children to grow up in an unhealthy environment. And those kids can often act out and have a lot of issues themselves.

So nobody talks about that part, the part where, yeah, marriage is a serious commitment. And anybody who's married, it makes sense, they put all the work they can to keep the marriage together. But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And that's okay. It's totally okay.

You don't need other people's approval, to know what's right for you. Or even a friendship where maybe you've been friends for 20 years, and something isn't sitting right or that's just not the kind of person you want to surround yourself with. That's okay too, to not put a ton of time and effort into that friendship.

Or even familial relationships that perhaps you wake up and you realize, hey, this is dysfunctional, these patterns are not healthy, like this is not okay. You don't have to be best friends with your parent or your sibling or whomever else in your family. You don't have to force yourself to do that. It's okay to find distance, it's okay to have friends who even function as your family. Right?

So as we can give ourselves grace to distance ourselves from unhealthy patterns, even if society generally doesn't support us in that, it's totally okay. There are a lot of dysfunctional things that go on in society. I think we can all agree on that, right. So I want you to while you listen to this to feel supported in doing whatever is right for you. Right.

So friendships as well. You don't have to foster friendships that aren't working for you as much anymore. If there are things you don't want to go to, gatherings and they're not aligning with who you are today. You don't have to go. We don't have to feel so guilty about everything all the time, like it's okay to live a life in alignment with who we are.

Because as we continue to do that, as you grow, you're going to be happier and more fulfilled. And that in turn has a positive ripple effect on your own family, on your kids, on those around you.

So there's nothing wrong with calling it quits with certain things or dialing back. And that's all juxtaposed or the background of that, right, is our need for tribe, which is why I talked about that in the beginning. We do need that connection.

And so that connection and feeling supported is crucial for our well being, perhaps even our survival in some ways. And it's okay if you want to make new connections or do something different. I find I try to be really open about meeting new people, and it usually steers me really well.

So this episode, the intention really is to let you know that whatever you're deciding in your relationships is totally fine any which way. You don't need to feel guilty or feel pressured by society's standards because it really just creates more sadness and suffering for us. So I'm so grateful that you tuned in today.

And if you really want to learn more and dive deeper into this work, and ditch burnout and exhaustion without more self care, without the therapy,  without self help books but with proven processes that work.

Book a call with me, PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me. I would love to talk to you see where you are and if you're a good fit to work with me if I can help you. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will talk to you next week.