How To Get Rid Of Mental Exhaustion
Do you ever feel like you’re totally drained and depleted?
You’re exhausted and have a hard time prioritizing yourself.
Like you’re losing yourself?
Well, work is hard. being a mother is hard.
Take both of those Combine them together, and it is pretty damn trying!
Because being a mother is common/so many women are moms, maybe it seems like an ordinary job.
But it is far from that as we know and we don’t get enough credit or gratitude!
Because so many women are mothers, maybe it seems like it should be easy or we should be nonchalant about it, but in fact it’s a lot of pressure.
In this day and age with the internet and freely flowing information, standards are a lot higher than when our parents were rearing us.
Raising and nurturing children is one of the most important jobs in this world and yet we do it along with an income producing job.
Some mornings I find myself asking myself why do I feel so exhausted? And then I realize well, it’s life:life can be exhausting.
So Why do we feel exhausted? Here are some reasons:
1) We want to be everything to everyone.
2) We put the needs of others in front of our own.
3) Perhaps we have a draining job and it bleeds into home life.
4) We may have a difficult spouse, boss, or parent.
5) We fail to care for ourselves.
6) We are going through a major life transition (moving, job change, divorce, pregnancy, or new child).
Yes, life can be tough. But we are fucking fierce. We can do hard things!
Think of all that you’ve achieved up until now.
Take a minute to write it down 5 hard things you’ve done in the past year and celebrate it. This will give you a boost!
Now I want to dive into Solutions to the 5 problems I mentioned
Issue number one-Being everything to everyone
But we just can't. I want you to absorb that one.
We have to pick our priorities (lets say we decide: partner and kids)
And even when we want to help them, we must take care of and love ourselves in order to have energy to do so.
Self-care-there’s a buzzword.
I want to address self-care here bc spa days/massages/bubble baths are all good and well
But there’s so much more to self-care than that.
The way to truly give to oneself is through mind management and self love.
In terms of managing the mind, shifting how we see the world Is critical. When something bad happens ask yourself, how is the situation serving me how is the situation propelling me in the right direction to where I want to go.
Even though the tough time or bad news may not seem helpful at all.
Issue number 2 we put the needs of others in front of our own…the solution to this is loving ourselves and getting rid of people-pleasing which I'll address in episode 4.
Self-love. There’s a concept. It’s funny; I have two children under the age of 5 and they love themselves so much. It’s remarkable. My baby loves seeing herself in the mirror. My 4 year old is so proud of himself. I believe we are born loving ourselves. Unfornately, life circumstances, high standards, not good enoughness are often shoved down our throats in our childhoods. And self-love seems like such a stretch.
I read a book called Love Yourself Like Your Life depends on It by Kamal Ravikant and it changed my life.
He talks about loving ourselves in whatever way that means.
How about having respect and love for ourselves to not allow people to talk to us in a demeaning way?
I realized that self-love is a key to fulfillment and happiness. I will dive deeper into this in a future episode, but for now I will say as unnatural as it may feel, we must embrace ourselves for who we are and love ourselves unconditionally as we would our own children.
I challenge you to hold your hand on your chest and tell yourself “I love myself” practice this every day and see how you feel.
You must practice, because unfortunately self-love as an adult no longer comes naturally. We can take a cue from our young children.
The more we practice, the more natural it will become.
In terms of people-pleasing: People-pleasing and taking care of others are concepts that are deeply drilled into many of us.
I was specifically taught in middle school by both my grandma and mother to not be selfish and I realized as I got older I ended up harming myself at times trying to do this. I would cause a lot of stress for myself bending over backwards for others. So we really have to re-evaluate helping others at our own expense which often leaves us depleted
I will talk about this more in a future episode.
Issue 3 We have a draining job and it bleeds into home life.
Medicine-we are helping people constantly.
So it is draining. We are giving.
This can often be while sacrificing our own happiness and stability.
And often we aren’t treated well or we are disrespected and this can be tiring also.
Boundaries are key in combatting this along with time management.
Boundaries of not taking a patient or family’s disrespect.
Many of us may be used to getting dumped on at work. But we really don't have to take it. We aren't victims of our jobs. We can empower ourselves to take control of our life experience.
I had a very rude daughter of a patient snapping at me and I could feel myself getting triggered.
Clearly, they were frustrated with their situation which I understand. Elderly folks who were once independent with health problems it’s a tough thing to deal with and go through no doubt.
But it’s not an excuse to treat me badly. The situation isn’t my fault
So I stopped her and her tracks and told her: I am a human being and I am trying to help you and work with you and I deserve respect.
She kept quiet and her whole tone and body language changed.
Baby steps.
We aren't victims!
We can maintain professionalism and create boundaries simultaneously.
Similarly, doctor moms this one is for you-we can create systems to finish our notes before we go home. So that we can be present with our children instead of typing away at the computer to finish our work.
Issue number 4 we may have a difficult spouse, boss
Difficult people often make us feel unlucky
Why do I have to deal with this? This is so unfair! Stuck with this person.
We can’t control them
In fact, we can’t control anything outside of ourselves!
But what we can control, what is so empowering is that we can control ourselves!!
We can decide:
Not to absorb peoples stories
Not to try to convince them regarding anything about us
To decide to focus on ourselves and our peace and happiness
Yung Pueblo says: “Maturity is being able to maintain your energy [the way you want it to be] when someone close to you was trying to drag you into their storm. You hear them, you see them, you offer support, BUT at the same time you let their attention be theirs and you let your peace be yours.”
And if we find a place to be toxic or a career choice to be toxic we can always change it. I promise. No matter how impossible it seems. We can do the impossible. And don’t forget that.
Issue 5 We fail to love and care for ourselves:
We must do this.
How can you love yourself today? How can you honor the concept of self-love.
How can you care for yourself?
If you think you don’t have the time, I challenge you to take 5 minutes in the morning to take time for yourself. Could be as simple as savoring your morning cup of coffee or taking a quick walk or stretching
Issue 6 we are going through a major life transition (moving, job change, divorce, new child)
These circumstances are tough ones
But we must remember:
this too shall pass;
And realizing that we got this. Always. Just like we always have. Just like we always will
Sometimes we need to take it one hour at a time when things get rough; and know that the tough time is temporary.
We must hone in on filling our cup
Some methods with which to do this include the following:
Sleep hygiene, connection with others, alone time, or something that rejuvenates you to help you as you navigate your way through a big change.
Next, I’m going to dive in to when you’re feeling overwhelmed, what can you do to make sure that the overwhelm doesn’t overtake you?
There are two major ways to lighten our mental exhaustion
One is to unload it to someone else
Two is to put energy into ourselves or self-energize.
I will discuss 10 practical tips you can implement that employ these two principles.
This pandemic has been a cluster for many of us. Adds to our decision fatigue and mental load.
A lot of us have children who are not old enough to get vaccinated right? So it makes it tough figuring out where we want to take them within our comfort levels and risk benefit levels to make decisions on what to do with them.
Or even what to do with ourselves and how that will affect them.
So one way to unload our mental load is to take advantage of the fact that we get Decide how we are going to spend our brain space and energy
An example of this:
In the beginning of January a much-needed girls trip was planned Thursday through Sunday in Florida now mind you we were supposed to go to Turks and Caicos but we canceled it because if you have a negative Covid test you cannot come back into the country for 10 days and I cannot be away from my children for that long/have my parents take care of them at that point.
Instead, we decided to go to the Florida Keys. I was very much looking forward to this rest, relaxation, and gossip session with my closest medical school girlfriends. And of course as always my son was sick and had been sick and I was afraid that if he had Covid he would have given it to my parents who were watching him, but I needed this trip.
So I decided to assume the best and not expend mental time and energy worrying.
On one hand, if I had catastrophized that my kid had covid even though we all had it already, I could assume I would have to cancel the trip. Or if he has it and tests negative my dad who is helping to watch him will get covid and die.
However, my dad is boosted and already had covid.
Which left me with:
Would I have to cancel my trip?
My game plan boiled down to watching and waiting, which we all do all the time.
Even though a lot of times when unknowns present themselves, we behave as though it’s a shock.
And we feel thrown off kilter. But practicing dealing with these situations can throw us off less and less over time.
And the conclusion of that story was-my kids were fine, my dad was fine. I went on the trip and had an awesome time.
The unknown is pretty much all of life so we need to cultivate a system to deal with it so it doesn’t bother us…
How we can handle the unknown so it doesn’t drive us nuts:
We have the power, so
We can:
-decide how much time we are going to spend stressing over a given issue
-decide what we want to happen or hope will happen
-decide to focus on the possitve possibility instead of negfative bc we cant control the outcome but we can control our lens on a given situation
In my situation:
I decided that my kid was going to feel ok
The illness wasn’t covid since we all already had it
Assumed the best so it wouldnt ruin my moments leading up to my departure date
Often we prepare for the worst in advance, but this doesn’t add anything and simply detracts by spending our precious time and energy.
So by focusing on a positive possibility:
We lose absolutely nothing and in fact, gain Time, energy (which we would have lost in catastrophizing), a positive attitude
Now I’m going to address how to self-energize
In order to not be mentally drained
How can we do this?
Write down a list of our priorities in work, with ourselves, at home in the bigger picture.
Keep that list in a visible place. It Doesn’t matter who sees it and judges. That used to embarrass me. What if someone sees my motivational posts? It doesn’t matter!!
Take time (it can be even 5-10 minutes) for yourself everyday. On the busiest of days this can be savoring your morning coffee. I like to do that. Or 10 minutes of meditation
Create more free space in your days
This one is a tough one w busy jobs, meal planning, kids’ activities, relationship nurturing, parties and gatherings now that COVID seems to be calming down. BUT we can actually decide to create free space in our days
I find when I’m feeling rushed and have no breathing space I feel exasperated and bogged down. I have a loose rule to not do more than one activity with friends a week. And to have one thing I can look forward to weekly which may or may not include that
Overscheduling is something I had struggled with pre pandemic then it was done for me and I could breathe. I find activities creeping back in and I now have to go back to being conscious about it. The more breathing room I have, the lighter I feel.
Journaling or getting out the stress. Journal for 5 min a day to get your woes out and leave them on the paper
Call a friend if you can to get it out. This can be so heklpful
Ask for help from friends, family, a professional
Outsource tasks that don’t bring you joy, put some work in (find a trainer, or therapist or coach) invest in yourself and the pay off can be priceless
Exercise-A 5-10 minute walk or jog can boost endorphins and energize you
Get a good night’s sleep. Here are some sleep hygiene tips:
create a bedtime set an alarm for that time
no devices 15 min before bed
get ready for bed well in advance
give yourself time to decompress
journal beforehand if you’re the kidn of person who stays up worrying
avoid late caffeine
14. Schedule fun. This is a big one. People forget to have fun in the grind of daily life.
15. Soak in the small moments. Kids jokes, smiles, laughs, candor. There are so many and they’re transient.
Remember, in episode 1, I talked about living a life with intention. If you haven’t listened to it definitely take the time to do so!
We have to live consciously, put some effort into this life and if we do so, contentment, happiness, a sense of fulfillment is right there for us. For the taking!
We can create energy for ourselves and combat our sense of physical and mental exhaustion.
We have to power to create our dream life.
One baby step at a time.
Go out there and try the above methods, folks!
Let me know if it works for you
You can check out the show notes if you’re a visual learner and print out the tips.
Talk to you next time!