How to be a Happy Working Mom through Pattern Recognition

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Check out my free masterclass on the four methods to love your life link in the shownotes.

We all have deeply ingrained habits and patterns.

Old stories and narratives. They started before we can remember when we were young children. Some of them are helpful and beneficial, while others are not.

There might be a sudden urge to blame yourself whenever something goes wrong.

Increasing my awareness is one thing I realized in my journey that has decreased my suffering and helped me not feel exhausted. But today, I want to dive into increasing your awareness of your mental patterns that are not serving you or are adding a layer of stress and anxiety to what you are already dealing with.

I will give a couple of examples to clarify:

When anyone raises their voice, I get triggered. I feel anxious and a squeezing in my throat. This probably comes from being a child and feeling unsafe when I was yelled at. I became aware of this in the past few years. And, of course, our brains are wired to keep us safe and scan for threats which is helpful. However, instead of fully diving into feeling threatened with raised voices…which would increase my anxiety and suffering, I can acknowledge that this is my pattern. And not to beat me up about the pattern. To not say, why do I always have to get anxious when people yell…but to notice it with compassion and say, yes, this is my usual response. And that’s ok. I am safe. I am ok. I don’t have to feed further into this threat.

You can create a layer of lightness and airiness with this approach. You will move beyond exhaustion and burnout with this simple practice.

How about getting triggered by your parents…this is a tough one…because those relationships are long-standing and deep. What is your go-to response when you feel uncomfortable? Can you see it? How about isolating your approach to just you? Assuming that your parent may not be able to hear you the way you want to be heard and managing your pattern and response. What is one small step you can take to de-power the negative effect an unpleasant conversation or interaction might have on you?

One thing that has helped me with my old pattern of seeking their approval. This one is deeply ingrained. I want to emulate many of their excellent qualities, hard work, significant involvement with kids, and setting a good example in so many ways. But there are other things I don’t want to carry forward. There are things I want to do differently. So when I find myself seeking their approval and maybe not getting it…I ask myself if I want to copy their behavior in that specific situation…or if they are experts in this matter. And if the answer is no, I let go of their approval and find trust and comfort in my way.

If you are unhappy about your job or relationship, what is your story surrounding that? What is the narrative you’ve told yourself about it that might not be helpful? I am not appreciated. I am not valued.

Those are some thoughts that aren’t positive…if that’s the story you’re telling, start realizing it’s a story and not a fact. When we see narratives for what they are, they don’t own us or have as much power over us when they’re not helping us.

In my mindfulness method, notice/neutralize/new, noticing just being aware is the first step in dealing with any situation. Then that will help to neutralize the situation and remove the emotional change. Then the last step would be to pick a new thought. So, for example, replace the aforementioned unhelpful thoughts with identifying the things I am loved for or appreciated and something else of your choosing to help change the perspective and increase your gratitude and overall life satisfaction.

To get started on enjoying your life,

Check out my free masterclass on the four methods to love your life link in the shownotes.

Prianca NaikNovember 16, 2022