How To Deal with An Alcoholic Spouse by Ditching Codependence
Episode #21: How To Deal with An Alcoholic Spouse By Ditching Codepensence
This is the second part of a three-part series on living with someone who is an alcoholic. A physician and a certified professional coach, Dr. Prianca brings to light issues many women are facing but do not want to discuss openly. In this episode, she talks about the role of codependence in living with an alcoholic and how to manage it.
What You Will Learn:
The definition of codependence
Tendencies of a codependent person
How to break the cycle of codependence
Loving detachment
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The following are tendencies of codependence:
Feeling responsible for other people’s well being
Feeling forced to help others
Saying yes when you want to say no
Trying to please others instead of oneself
Attracted to needy people
Come from repressed or dysfunctional families
Feel a lot of guilt and shame
Going to extreme lengths to control others (trying to force quitting alcohol, pushing therapy)
Seek love and approval, difficulty with confrontation
Pretend things aren’t as bad as they are
Struggle with healthy boundaries which we will dive into
Feel controlled by other people’s anger
Often look strong but feel helpless internally
Now that we have a greater understanding of codependence, let’s address how to combat it.
Breaking the cycle of codependence starts with detachment
Detachment involves present-moment living—living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day.
— CODEPENDENT NO MORE
Loving detachment
Obsessing over an alcoholic is our biggest problem in this situation. The constant looming thoughts in our heads are taking up precious space in our minds. With that being said, don’t allow them to rent space in your head. Find things to do which will change your focus. Read books, exercise, go to the movies or talk to a friend on the phone. Find things that will help your mind DETACH from thinking when alcoholics do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don’t love you — they are saying they don’t love themselves.”
How to detach:
Restore your peace when drinking/chaos is the happening-one thing I have taught my clients: don’t play sherlock holmes
If he swears up and down he hasn’t drunk but acting as he has…don’t waste your time or energy participating in that.
Say to yourself I’m not going to go there and keep trucking along. This will bring you peace and save you precious brain space and energy.
Seek your own approval and learn to depend on yourself.
If you want to dive deeper into this work, I have 4 spots opening up for private clients.
My process helps professional moms with the seemingly perfect life who are silently suffering on the inside to know that they're not alone, and that they reclaim their confidence and power to have the life they want even if that feels impossible right now.
Schedule a call today priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me