Self-love to End Exhaustion

You're listening to the empowering working moms Podcast, episode number 54. Hi, how are you? I hope you're doing great today. I'm so thrilled you are here with me listening to this podcast episode I bring you today. I actually just got back from, well the last episode I talked about that my 40th birthday was coming up, and it was wonderful and I am still really pumped to be 40. I am singing it loud and proud. But I will tell you that nobody talks about or maybe they do the unfun part of being 40, which I experienced this morning, during which I went for my screening mammogram. It's really actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be and not as painful. But I think everybody has a different pain threshold. Definitely not a really cool part of being 40. But it has to be done. So if you are listening, and you're 40 and up and you haven't had a mammogram in the past year, this is my plug for you, get it done, it's so much better to prevent, right preventive care is so critical in maintaining our physical health. But now we're going to dive into our mental health and I'm guessing that you're a high achieving type A mom, you're tired, you've probably tried all the things, self help books, therapy, yoga, I've been there, but you're finding yourself probably exhausted, not wanting to face the day, maybe mindlessly scrolling on your phone or over Netflixing just to get a break, only to feel more exhausted and on the verge of burnout. But there is hope and a streamlined way to get you out of that place and in to peace and joy every single day in 90 days or less is there.

Book a call with me to learn more about Overcome Burnout For Good, my foundational coaching program for professional moms. I have easy, fun, implementable modern tips to get you into your best life. Even if you feel that's impossible. I know a lot of my clients probably felt that way. And after working with me, they report having better relationships, more presence with their kids, really cutting themselves slack and finding so much more resilience in the day to day upsets that come up because it's always something, right. Today, I'm going to dive into a really important topic that gets thrown around a lot in self development circles, and that is the concept of self love. Self love is so important because it creates clarity. It creates clarity, when maybe there is some confusion. And when you get that clarity, you're going to find inner peace. And isn't that what we all want? Inner peace is the key to ending exhaustion, and burnout. When we work on various factors to cultivate inner peace, we can always center ourselves. When shit comes up, shit hits the fan, we can learn to cultivate it, and it's the tool that we all need. And this helps because we can be peaceful instead of feeling scattered or anxious. Many of my clients actually come to me not only exhausted and on the verge of burnout, but also often dissatisfied in their marriages, maybe fighting a lot with their partners. And the first thing I say to them, when it comes to relationships with others is to truly focus on themselves. And that's where the self love comes in. Right? We must focus on doing the work on ourselves first. That's the work that no one wants to do. Because it is harder to look within, and easier to actually look outside of ourselves, blame other people for our problems than to look within. But once we begin to focus on ourselves, we can begin practicing loving ourselves. And I teach my clients how to do exactly this. Because it is a key to unlocking a life filled with peace and joy. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? A life with peace and joy. I'm telling you that I love my life so much no matter what stuff happens. And I have the same day to day stressors you have. I've got my own problems, right, we all have problems in various flavors. I have some serious, stressful things hanging over my head, often actually. But I have learned to really use my tools. And it really helps me have peace of mind in so many moments when before my own processes, before coaching, I would have been miserable and spinning out and so unhappy. But I say this because all of this is teachable. I can teach it but it's learnable for you. So a life of peace, a life of enjoyment, enjoying the life that you've worked so hard for, it is possible for you even if you don't think so.

Trust me, because my clients, they've been in the same position and they leave coaching with me realizing there's a world of possibilities to create their dream life, but also just enjoying the life right now that they have. So let me get into the benefits of loving yourself because you might be thinking, what is she talking about? Self love, that's not something I think about, right? But when you love yourself, you can truly treat yourself with love and kindness. And often we are the cruelest and meanest to ourselves. And it's really sad. And we have inner negative voices that talk down to us. And just being aware of those voices, and learning to quiet them down, but also approach ourselves with grace, compassion, and some gentleness. The more we do that, the more we can actually be kind to others, and be gentle with others, and be gentle with, let's say, our children. So some of the benefits of loving yourself, here they are. One is making decisions more clearly. Meaning, when you have something that you're confused about, you're back and forth about something, what should I do, spinning in confusion. Loving yourself makes things and it makes the decisions that are looming much clearer. For example, one of my clients, she was in an abusive relationship, and it was really hard for her to see clearly, see straight, and she was so married to the idea of being married, that she would make excuses for her husband at the time who was abusing her. And as we did the work, she had an epiphany one day after he threw his phone in her face. And he said it was an accident. And he somewhat denied it. But he did. She asked herself a very important question, what would I do if I loved myself? Would I keep putting myself in harm's way? And as she took some time to ponder that question and come up with an answer, she knew the answer. She knew that if she loved herself, if she loved herself, because she wasn't quite there yet, that she would leave, and she would stop putting herself in harm's way. And she did end up moving out about a month after that question, when for a long time, she had just been spinning her wheels, confused, not knowing what to do. And about, I believe, a year later, after that she was in such a great place, having her peace and freedom, day to day freedom and joy, and truly living her best life. Another benefit of loving yourself is the benefit that it will have for your kids. So you're modeling self love, right? Kids naturally love themselves. But if they see you modeling it, they can continue to practice it as they grow up. Because often they lose that self love  That self love that I see my own young children practice, they love themselves so much, and they love the reflection in the mirror, as they should. And when I think about myself, somewhere along the line, I stopped loving myself, and I don't know when it was. And of course, I've taught myself in my adult years to rekindle my love for myself. But unconditional love, right? Self love is so important. Because if our children don't have that, they're going to look outside of themselves, which really leads to people pleasing, which I've talked about before. And that's an automatic way to be dissatisfied. And we don't want that, right. If we can really center ourselves, loving ourselves and see ourselves in a loving light, then it really grounds us and centers us. And when we do that, we actually waste a lot less time because as I said before, it makes decisions clearer, right? So the clearer decisions are, we're not wasting time spinning in confusion. And also if we're not people pleasing and trying to do things that we don't want to do, we're wasting less energy on that. And all these things together lead to feeling more energized and much less exhausted. Another benefit of loving yourself is teaching people how you want to be treated, even if it is uncomfortable. Now this happened to me very recently, and it was an awkward moment for me but discomfort is often the currency to a much better life and your dreams and all that. So there's kind of a running joke in my group of friends that you know, I'm very straightforward. I cut to the chase. I'm not like big on pleasantries and niceties. That's not to say that I'm not a kind person because I am and if you're in my friends and family, then you know that I have your back and I'll be there for you.

But that being said, we were in a group setting, I said something to the waiter, and then they were making fun of me. And that joke was getting old for me. So I found myself feeling triggered. And I sat with it for a little bit, I practiced my own centering exercises, I focused on my breath, I practiced mindfulness techniques right then and there. I even stepped away from the group for a little bit just to get some space and time to reflect on how I wanted to respond. And what I decided was the right thing for me to do in integrity with who I am, because honesty is one of my values and authenticity, that I needed to express myself. So I expressed that I didn't receive the joke well, and that I thought it was unkind and it hurt my feelings. And that a safe space is very important to me. And I said, this is supposed to be a safe space. And the older I get, the more important that is. And so I felt like this is isn't a safe space in that moment. Pretty much everybody was quiet. And everyone who was there is a long standing friend of mine, or I've had a long standing relationship with so I don't have to feel insecure or be worried that they're going to abandon me over me saying that, right? But they all listen. And most of them were quiet. And then one person actually said, "Hey, I'm sorry, it wasn't meant that way, you know, I would never intentionally hurt you." And I said, "Okay, thank you, I appreciate it." And that was that. And then, you know, it was done. And I felt whole, after expressing myself, I felt at peace. And it came from a place of loving myself that I need to model loving myself. And if that means that I'm telling someone, hey, this is how I want to be treated because I love myself, right? Though that situation was uncomfortable at that moment, it's really made all the difference in my life. And I really feel at peace, because I know I'm being true to myself, my values, and who I am. So, again, I was saying before that the reason I bring this up is because it is critical in laying the groundwork for how you want others to treat you. Because often we sit there and we get mad, we say oh, so and so saying this, that's not fair. Why are they doing it to me. And in the same vein as Episode 53, where I talk about not being a victim anymore, we can empower ourselves to speak up, find our voice, and let people know how we want to be treated. And that way, we don't have to blame anybody else except ourselves. And then if you find that somebody is treating you badly, it's up to you to decide whether you want to stay or whether you don't want to. But really the question of what would I do if I love myself is so powerful, because you can use it in so many instances. Try it when you're having confusion, and you don't know how to behave or what to do. Another benefit of loving yourself is becoming happier because you no longer put yourself last, how often can you think of, in the past week, when have you put yourself last? Right? We tend to put ourselves last. The other day, I actually, well, after turning 40 I decided I wanted to regroup and figure out my priorities, reprioritize. So the first priority I set was my children, then my coaching business, and then being a doctor. But I realized I forgot myself. And so in the spirit of self love, caring for myself, making sure that my needs are met is actually number one. Because without doing that, without keeping myself grounded, learning to have peace and joy within myself, I can't give my all to other people. That includes my children. So one is loving myself, right, and prioritizing myself. And then immediately after that is prioritizing my children. However, I will say, with my children, I often will ask what is best for them, regardless of what I think. That's a little bit different from self love, but as a parent, it's our job, right, to look out for them. So I often do prioritize their needs over mine, in instances where maybe it's not the best thing for me, but it's the best thing for them. And also, if we model to our children, right, that we're happier, that's all the better for them. And they're going to grow up in a happier, more, you know, fun atmosphere as we love ourselves and it bleeds on to them. Another benefit of loving yourself is feeling centered and grounded. So this really was true for me and that story that I told you where I spoke up to my friends, I just felt very grounded when I could be true to myself. 

So another example of this is when I chose to pursue life coaching, and for me that was really hard because being a doctor, a medical doctor, is so much a part of my identity and something 
I'm so proud of, and life coaching just seemed at the time, to be really honest, it's like the label wasn't good enough for me. And at the same time, I learned that doing this work lights me up so much, and I am so moved when my clients have their victories and transformations, and I'm making the impact on the world that I truly want to make. So I had to choose myself, choose life coaching, regardless of what other people thought. And that is another example of loving myself and being true to myself. Now I'm gonna give you a quick client example of self love, or really self focus, too. But my client Samar, who's an OBGYN, she has three small children, she actually said that, when she began coaching with me, she began to improve her relationship with herself, learning to love herself, focusing on herself. So as she did the work on herself, her relationship with her husband was better. And when I asked her, What would she tell others in her position who are suffering from exhaustion, like she was, she literally said, book the call, you know, take the plunge, whether it's a group or individual coaching, just go for it, invest in yourself, invest in the work, I thought about doing coaching for probably a good year before I started working with Prianca, and that was sad, but it's okay because it's all a process. So when I think about that, right, the work can start today, the work can start now. Listening to this podcast episode today, you can think about some of the practices that I talked about, the examples and apply them to your own life, you will see that you can learn to do this. And eventually, we can fake it till we make it, and it really does become second nature. And I am a true testament to this. Because I honestly was so anxious, especially right after having my son, and obsessive, and I was not in a good place. But after doing this work, I have really transformed my life into one that I love so, so much and I'm so proud of and I don't waste my time, people pleasing and all the things that are happiness sucks. And here I am. So if I can do it, and my clients can do it, so can you. Self love, probably, right, for all of us as children, it was an automatic but it's not anymore. Learning to practice self love is one major pillar in unlocking a life filled with peace, joy, more meaningful relationships filled with purpose, with no more self sacrifice. Think about loving yourself and making decisions with that in mind. And if you want to have the specific roadmap to ending exhaustion, ending burnout in 90 days or less, book a call with me to get started. I would love to talk to you, see where you are, and if you're a good fit for my coaching program. www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I will talk to you next week.