How to Stop Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a disease of overachieving women. Good grades may have been a product of perfectionism, but in the long run, it can cause life dissatisfaction, unhappiness, feelings of unworthiness, and in extreme cases, depression and anxiety. So how do we avoid the pitfalls of perfectionism?

My coaching program helps moms in male-dominated fields suffering from burnout to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to build, using my proven methodology to heal the underlying causes of burnout.

To get started on enjoying your life,

Check out my free masterclass on the four methods to love your life. Link in the shownotes.

Perfectionism is a disease of overachieving women. We are often taught to look and act a certain way. 100% on exams, and A+'s were a must, maybe from external pressure or within. This score is great for getting into a good school or becoming a professional like a doctor, lawyer, or VP of some division of a huge company and working your way to the top achieving success as you know it or have been told. Unfortunately, perfectionism can bite us in the long run. Adding to and causing so much life dissatisfaction, unhappiness, feelings of unworthiness, and in extreme cases, depression and anxiety.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. No one has the answers to living the "perfect life." First, there is no such thing as the perfect life because human beings err inherently. Second of all, there is no manual for how we are supposed to go about doing things. Only we can figure it out, and that's the simultaneous difficulty and beauty.

How to know if you have perfectionistic tendencies:

-High standards for everything

-Results Orientation

-Always looking at what is missing or not enough

-nd on one's mistakes

-Obsessing over blemishes…be it on your beautiful face or a marble countertop in your home.

We often correlate self-worth with accomplishments. This practice is a sad and tough one. I found myself struggling with this. The net worth, house size, and picture-perfect life. Needing that to show that I've made it in life.

I have faced challenges, and my life, in some ways, didn't turn out as I expected. Though don't get me wrong, I love my life as it is and enjoy every day.

I find an old-ish process going on, along with my perfectionistic tendencies. For example, I dropped my son off at camp without a swimsuit because this was nowhere in the orientation email. And yet I could feel the angst rising and squeezing in my throat. I acknowledged that agitation, sat with it, and moved on. There was nothing I did wrong or could do differently. My son would be ok. So, of course, this example is on a small level.

Let's talk about a larger-scale perfectionism issue.

When we aren't getting along with someone in a significant relationship - our spouse or sibling or someone who doesn't like us, type A mothers have a hard time accepting this.

Perfectionism shows up in our self-worth.

Where do we tie our self-worth… to how well we get along with others? On tangible achievements like a good salary?

Or how do we define success? And when we achieve that or weren't achieving that? Or our perfectionistic tendencies come into play; will it ever be good enough? Or maybe it never will be. So giving thought to how we see ourselves and define loving ourselves is vital in dealing with our perfectionism. As I often state in my program and my mindfulness method, all transformation, all problem-solving, and all solutions begin with awareness.

Without seeing a problem, we can't tackle it. So I encourage you to be aware of the patterns in which your brain works. The not-enoughness that might present itself.

There is no perfect solution to this. But most of us are aware of our perfectionistic tendencies…and let us congratulate ourselves for this. We are high performers. We want to do the best by ourselves and others as well. Nothing to criticize here. And there will probably always be the tendency. But we can be aware of it, continue working on it, and practice accepting B+ work.

Here are some concrete tips to follow in combatting perfectionism:

Also, living in the win, as I discuss in episode #27, we can reflect on what we do well. All of the things we are doing right. This can be as simple as I packed my kids' lunch, delegating something, I took out the trash, or whatever. Doesn't have to be big. Once we see what a good job we are doing, we can shift our mindset on how well our life is going.

Keep the bigger picture in mind. When something is bothering you because it isn't perfect, how is it working out in the scheme of things or life? For example, I will admit when I outsource things, like getting help with my kids' laundry, I may not like how it's done, but I have to let it go and not eat away at me. I can't allow it to steal my joy because perfectly done laundry doesn't matter!

When you're obsessing over a mistake, get yourself out of your head and into your body. First, notice there is a body. Next, feel the weight of gravity and the points of contact with your body, a chair, or the floor. Then take 10-15 seconds to focus on your breathing, and when your mind wanders, because it will, get back to the breath.

Stop "shoulding" all over yourself - I should have done this or that. It's a symptom of perfectionism and beating ourselves up. It's not helpful. So cut it out.

Learning to let go: Cleaning lady example. Preface first world problem. 40% price increase. Look again, accept it as is, and clean it myself, which brings me to a common problem I see. Clients have a tough time outsourcing. The mantra of no one can do it right, or I do it best…or if I want it done right, I have to do it.

Cut Yourself Some Slack!

Self-acceptance:

To embrace ourselves, including our imperfections, is accepting ourselves as human and celebrating our wins because we have so many. You don't have to be perfect to have a great life or success.

Make a promise to yourself to stop beating yourself up.

And when you've had a particularly imperfect and bad day, turn to this RW Emerson quote:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

Allowing yourself to be human and accept your imperfections.

I'm not perfect, and that's great. So that's a thought I chose.

It eases the unrest I feel when I don't have it 100% perfectly together.

Benefits of decreasing perfectionism

-overall increased life satisfaction

-wasting less time

-wasting less energy

-keeping life in perspective—fulfillment

My coaching program helps moms in male-dominated fields who are suffering from burnout to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to build using my proven methodology to heal the underlying causes of burnout...

To get started on enjoying your life.

Check out my free masterclass on the four methods to love your life. Link in the show notes.