Fearing Forward: How To Face Your Fears

So many of us are paralyzed by fear.  We let it rule our lives.  People are often afraid of what's on the other side of a big or small change.

Our brains are wired to protect us. Of course, as we have gone from cavemen to now and flight or fight mode is often unhelpful.  So often, we are afraid to take big steps. We are afraid to make a big change. We are afraid of the unknown.

I want to address being afraid of the unknown. Because honestly, so much is unknown. We don't really know what's going to happen outside of ourselves in the next minute, the next hour, or the next day. We crave routine.  We assume we will be alive tomorrow, but these are assumptions and not facts.  So when you put it into the context of being afraid of the unknown, do realize that we deal with the unknown all the time. Maybe that can help to make you feel less afraid.

Think of a time when you were afraid but did something anyway.  What were you afraid of?  Why were you afraid of it?  What was the outcome after you faced your fear?

And was what you were afraid of as scary as you thought

Here are some stories of fearing forward:

I had an opportunity when we moved for my husband's job, to change careers.  I love the private practice I am and was in.  I didn't want to leave.  I cried when I told my senior partner I was moving.  I looked for medicine jobs in my new city and the set up, pay, people weren't the same as my old group.  So I took a leap.  I decided to launch my business.  I was afraid.  Afraid of what people might think, especially other doctors-that I'm a sell out, afraid of financial instability, afraid of failure.

And you know what? I have zero regrets and am so happy I feared forward.  Today I am truly living my best life.  I am happy with my choices and of course I know I have the liberty of changing my mind.

Next, I'm going to give you a client example I had a client who was a physician and mother of two young children whose husband was an emotionally and physically abusive alcoholic.  Her home situation felt unlivable for her no matter how hard she tried to mitigate her own anxiety with his unpredictable behavior.  She wanted safety and peace.  She wasn't getting it at home.  She entertained moving out but was afraid.  She was afraid, she said, of being alone.  She was afraid of him moving on to another woman.  She was afraid of what people might think if they found out.  One fine day, after he slapped her in the face, she decided he crossed her boundary.  She made plans to leave.  She left.  She was emotional at first about it.  But, pretty quickly, she adapted and had what she wanted: peace and safety.

The process she went through was not easy.  But it was simple.  And she told me that all that she had built up in her head, all of her fears weren't nearly as bad as she thought.  She wished she had moved out sooner.

That's something I hear a lot.  I wish I had done it sooner.  I wish I had applied for that job sooner.  I wish I'd moved sooner.  I wish I'd gotten a divorce sooner.

Because we are creatures of habit.  Our brains are wired to keep us safe. But that means we gravitate to what we know and are afraid of the unknown.

Remember that we deal with the unknown everyday whether we realize it or not. 

Here is how you can fear forward:

-Do a baby step trial:

If you have a large step fear like moving out from your partner let's say, try just going to dinner alone or on a trip by yourself, or being with your kids alone on a trip.  Take baby steps of a sneak peek of what it would be like to be alone and you will see it's not that scary.

-Know you can change your mind:

If you make a decision and you're afraid of the consequence, know there is another course of action you can take.  You can always change your mind and perhaps find yourself better off in fact!

-Fear forward:

Force yourself to face the fear regardless of what your brain is rationalizing.

-Remember you're resilient

Human beings are so adaptable and we get used to change a lot faster than you might think.  Women are tough and can handle so much more than they think.  People tell me I'm strong.  And I believe I am…but I also believe anyone can be strong.  You just have to decide to be and then do it.

-Be in alignment

When you're afraid to do something, as yourself if the choice aligns with your values.

-Do what you would tell a friend to do

Would you tell a friend to take that job promotion or go ahead with fertility treatments or leave her partner in the situation you're facing?  Whatever you would tell her, you should do yourself.  This gives us a different perspective.  It allows us to gain some distance from ourselves and do things more objectively instead of being sucked in to our own drama and feed into spinning and obsessing.

-Approach the fear-inducing situation with curiosity:

Alan Wyatts says:

"By replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity ,we open ourselves up to an infinite stream of possibility. We can let fear rule our lives or we can become childlike with curiosity, pushing our boundaries, leaping out of our comfort zones, and accepting what life puts before us." — Alan Wyatts

Let's get curious about our fear and barrel forward!

We have one precious life to live, so let's tap into our power and bravery and get going. 

Here is my challenge for you:

Pick a small fear you can face in the next week and then take action in fearing forward?

By taking one small step, you will eventually face a larger fear head on.

Let's get to it! I'll talk to you next time!